IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, teaching
children
Use synonyms
 is always an important problem and there are a lot of different opinions about it. Some individuals say that permitting
kids
Use synonyms
 to make decisions about every issue is to create a society of people who only have thought about their own desires. Others argue that it is vital for
kids
Use synonyms
 to decide about issues that impact them. The following essay will discuss both views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some citizens believe that a society of people who only care about their wishes comes from allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to decide all
things
Use synonyms
 in their lives. It is easy to understand because if a kid can do all the
things
Use synonyms
 he wants, it will create a habit that he only wishes and all
things
Use synonyms
 will appear, he does not need to know where they come from, so he only cares about his favour.
For example
Linking Words
, when a kid wants to buy a toy, his
parents
Use synonyms
 always agree. So several times, he will ask his
parents
Use synonyms
 to buy a bigger thing that his
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot afford and
then
Linking Words
 they can not do it, he will become angry and will not care about his
parents
Use synonyms
' emotions.
However
Linking Words
, making choices about which affects
kids
Use synonyms
 is very crucial for them
due to
Linking Words
 it will help them feel more comfortable and confident. When doing
things
Use synonyms
 that they are adorable, they will feel happy and reduce stress after school.
For instance
Linking Words
, a little girl wants her
parents
Use synonyms
 to allow her to wear a skirt and go out with her friends and they agree. It will help her feel merry when she can be herself and put on her favourite skirt and going out with her friends can help her have a wonderful time after completing her study. In conclusion, many people do not want
children
Use synonyms
 to decide all
things
Use synonyms
 because it can make them become selfish.
However
Linking Words
, making decisions is still necessary for
kids
Use synonyms
 because it affects them very much. In my point of view, I think
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to choose their favourite
things
Use synonyms
 so that they can tackle bigger problems in the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but there are areas for improvement. Consider discussing the perspectives more evenly; the second viewpoint could be expanded slightly for balance.
task achievement
Adding more concrete examples to support each viewpoint would help to strengthen your arguments. Use examples that clearly illustrate the impact of the choices children make.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structures and grammar. While they do not significantly obscure the meaning, there are moments where clarity could be improved.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your argument and overall writing style.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both viewpoints clearly and provides a conclusion that summarizes the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples, particularly in the first viewpoint, to illustrate your points, which makes your argument more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: