The line graph shows the numbers of queries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The  line graph shows the numbers of queries received  by the  tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in  2011.
The given line graph illustrates the data about
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
queries
which were received by the tourist information office in one area during six
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
in 2011.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the top-ranked
way
was in
person
, meanwhile, the lowest result was shown by
letters
.
In addition
,
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
show examples
had a slight increase, in the meantime, emails had a noticeable reduction.
Firstly
, in January, the
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
way
had only 400, in the meantime, emails had approximately 750 questions and
telephones
had 820.
However
, in
february
Change the capitalization
February
show examples
,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
had a rise to 600, meanwhile,
letters
went down to 650 and
telephones
reduced to 800. In March, the
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
way
increased dramatically,
while
emails had a slight drop to 550 and
telephones
had a static result with 1000.
Secondly
, in May,
telephones
and the
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
had a dramatic rise to 1400, meanwhile,
letters
decreased significantly to 350.
Nevertheless
, in
june
Change the capitalization
June
show examples
, the
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
way
reached 1900 questions and
telephones
had 1600,
while
letters
had only 390.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words way, person, letters, telephones with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: