IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the numbers of queries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.

The line graph shows the numbers of queries received by the tourist information office in one city over a six-month period in 2011.
#line #numbers #queries #tourist #information #office #city #period
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The given line graph illustrates the data about
inqueries
Correct your spelling
inquiries
queries
 which were received by the tourist information office in one area during six
month
Change to a plural noun
months
show examples
 in 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the top-ranked
way
Use synonyms
 was in
person
Use synonyms
, meanwhile, the lowest result was shown by
letters
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
show examples
 had a slight increase, in the meantime, emails had a noticeable reduction.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in January, the
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 had only 400, in the meantime, emails had approximately 750 questions and
telephones
Use synonyms
 had 820.
However
Linking Words
, in
february
Change the capitalization
February
show examples
,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 had a rise to 600, meanwhile,
letters
Use synonyms
 went down to 650 and
telephones
Use synonyms
 reduced to 800. In March, the
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
way
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically,
while
Linking Words
 emails had a slight drop to 550 and
telephones
Use synonyms
 had a static result with 1000.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in May,
telephones
Use synonyms
 and the
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
persons
show examples
 had a dramatic rise to 1400, meanwhile,
letters
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly to 350.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
june
Change the capitalization
June
show examples
, the
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
way
Use synonyms
 reached 1900 questions and
telephones
Use synonyms
 had 1600,
while
Linking Words
letters
Use synonyms
 had only 390.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words way, person, letters, telephones with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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