IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents can punish their children when they do something wrong, agree or not?

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It's some argued that
parents
Use synonyms
 should punish
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 if they're
worng
Correct your spelling
wrong
. In my view,
that is
Linking Words
 actually wrong.
Parent
Add an article
A parent
The parent
show examples
 should teach and
coummite
Correct your spelling
commit
commute
committed
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
.
Punish
Replace the word
Punishment
show examples
 should not be the only way to the
children
Use synonyms
.
Firsty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
,
punishment
Use synonyms
 may cause mental issues.
Linking Words
While
Correct word choice
Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 may not understand why they are wrong because of
misunderstand
Change the verb form
misunderstanding
show examples
. If
parents
Use synonyms
 only punish
children
Use synonyms
 because they are wrong,
confilt
Correct your spelling
conflict
confit
 may happen.
For example
Linking Words
, If a
children
Use synonyms
 play knife because of fun. His
parentd
Correct your spelling
parents
 want to stop him and punish him. The
children
Use synonyms
 must be angry
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 did. To
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
effort
this
Linking Words
 problem,
parent
Add an article
the parent
a parent
show examples
 must need to understand why their
children
Use synonyms
 want to do something wrong. Is important to lead the
children
Use synonyms
 in
corrertly
Correct your spelling
correctly
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
punishment
Use synonyms
damage
Correct subject-verb agreement
damages
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. That may cause lower
self-confident
Replace the word
self-confidence
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 get
punish
Wrong verb form
punished
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
, their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 must be hurt.
Children
Use synonyms
maybe
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 feel their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
unaccpectable
Correct your spelling
unacceptable
 or think he is different
than
Change the preposition
from
show examples
other child
Change the wording
another child
other children
show examples
. Because of that,
punishment
Use synonyms
 may
make
Verb problem
put
show examples
children
Use synonyms
get
Change preposition
in get
show examples
 bad mood
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long stage.
This
Linking Words
 problem may keep going after they
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
.
Accroding
Correct your spelling
According
 to the report from China, the
children
Use synonyms
got
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
Use synonyms
punishment
Replace the word
punished
show examples
 may affect their
friend
Replace the word
friendship
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 worse in their homework or tests. The data shows most of the child
afrid
Correct your spelling
afraid
 they may get
Use synonyms
punishment
Replace the word
punished
show examples
 by their older
indivials
Correct your spelling
individuals
. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
, it clearly
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
puishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 is wrong. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should not punish
thier
Correct your spelling
their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 when they are wrong. Because it may cause mental issues and lower self-review.
Punishent
Correct your spelling
Punishment
 may
also
Linking Words
 affect
children
Use synonyms
's
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and their
perform
Replace the word
performance
show examples
 in daily life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
communtion
Correct your spelling
communication
communion
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 is the better way
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 do something wrong.

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Grammar
Improve sentence structure and grammar. Seek extra help or consider using grammar checking tools to catch errors such as subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and spelling mistakes.
Coherence and cohesion
Clarify and organize your ideas before writing. Create a brief outline to ensure your main points are logically structured and effectively connected throughout the essay.
Style and grammar
Use more varied and complex sentence structures. Including diverse phrases and sentence types can make your writing more engaging.
Task achievement
Provide clearer and stronger supporting examples. Ensure that each point you make is backed by well-explained and relevant examples.
Task response
The essay addresses the topic and takes a clear stance against punishment for children.
Coherence and cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the overall structure of the essay.
Task achievement
The essay includes attempts to discuss consequences, such as mental issues and self-confidence, providing a basis for the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • genetics
  • socio-economic status
  • nutritional education
  • physical activity programs
  • adverse effects
  • mental health issues
  • responsibility sharing
  • implementation
  • privileged families
  • supportive environment
  • lifestyle changes
  • educational campaigns
What to do next:
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