IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
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Individuals believe installing more
sports
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facilities
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 can help
people
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 improve their
health
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 the most, but others think
this
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 is not the best way. In my view, I agree with the latter. I tend to agree with the view that there are many other options to enhance public
health
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 conditions.
To begin
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 with, the government can provide financial support to the healthcare system; through
this
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 investment, the community hospital can provide physical examinations for the public every month for free, which can help
people
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to
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apply
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handle their
health
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 conditions and ensure timely medical assistance. Another key consideration should be that supervising the safety of food is
also
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 a good way to protect public
health
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; nowadays, with the development of technology, there are a
lot
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 of companies that use medicine to pursue better looks and more delicious taste of their products, which has some negative effects on physical
health
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 Understandably, there are some
people
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 who may argue that
sports
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facilities
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 can have a better influence than the others. The primary reason they may point out is that it makes
exercise
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mor e
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more
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 convenient and accessible, with the rapid development of the cities, a
lot
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 of spaces for
exercise
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,
such
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 as parks and playgrounds, were occupied by flats or shopping malls, and the public has no place to do
sports
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, leading to a
lot
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 of diseases.
In addition
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, the
facilities
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 can encourage
people
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 to
exercise
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 since individuals can use it for free, compared with costing a
lot
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 of money to pay for the gym, they can be easier to get interested form
exercise
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; in
this
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 way, citizens are likely to do more
sports
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 which can improve their
health
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 Imperceptibly.
However
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, as far as I am concerned, even though a
lot
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 of
sports
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facilities
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 were installed, they can't motivate the public directly. We can see many communities that have
sports
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facilities
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, but no one uses them usually.
Overall
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,
while
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 in some ways it may seem reasonable that
sports
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facilities
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 can help to improve public
health
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, I personally believe the government can reach
this
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 goal in many other
high-effective
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highly effective
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 and money-saving ways
Submitted by yihualuo525 on

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relevant specific examples
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, include specific statistics or case studies about how increased sports facilities impact public health.
supported main points
Further develop the counterargument for the use of sports facilities with more specifics or data on how these might indirectly influence public health.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and presents a well-developed opinion, which is well-articulated in the introduction and conclusion.
logical structure
Logical progression of ideas from point to point was well maintained, ensuring that the argument was easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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