Some people think that teachers are essential to the learning process. Others argue that students at schools and universities learn far more from other sources (such as the Internet and television) than from lessons with teachers. What are your views on this?

Many argue that teachers play a crucial role in the academic growth of the pupils
while
others believe that university students study better by alternative means,
such
as surfing the internet and watching TV programs. Academicians no doubt have made outstanding impacts in society, recently
however
, it is evident that the surge in technological innovations has contributed immensely to the knowledge acquisition of individuals, especially in tertiary institutions. I see the need to examine both views extensively before taking a side.
To begin
with, tutors in a study environment are imperative in creating a stable academic foundation for kids.
That is
, children in formative ages require close guidance and monitoring to better imbibe the necessary basic studies, and foster their psychological growth.
For example
, a school pupil who does not attend school for a reason and rather studies online from home may present with a lag in basic languages, handwriting, social studies etc. and more often than not, may stifle the child's language learning ability, manual dexterity and cognitive development.
However
, it is irrefutable that university students have a wider range of knowledge in their fields , all thanks to the tremendously advancing technology. To buttress
this
, most disciplines require mandatory research for vast acquisition which more often than not is neither provided by the lecturers nor present in the available concise handbooks.
For instance
, a student of business management at the University of Nigeria Nsukka clearly stated
while
giving his speech of appreciation that he merited the award as the best graduating student in his faculty because he devoted more time to searching the internet for
further
knowledge.
According to
him, he was rarely present for the lectures during the four-year program but did incredibly well to stand out among colleagues who were present for all learning processes. In conclusion, the more we delve into both aspects, the more we can ascertain the credibility of both views
hence
I partly support that teachers are essential to the learning process of pupils,
nevertheless
, students can learn more from other sources
such
as the internet and television.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain the overall flow.
task achievement
Although you provided relevant examples, expanding on these examples with additional details or a wider range of sources would strengthen your argument even more.
task achievement
Be cautious about a few grammatical errors and minor punctuation mistakes. Proofreading can greatly enhance the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider elaborating a bit more on your own final stance in the conclusion for a stronger closure.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, making it clear what will be debated.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the university student example, are specific and lend credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points well and acknowledges the complexity of the issue, indicating a nuanced understanding.
task achievement
You addressed both views comprehensively which shows a balanced perspective.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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