Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life #yourown

Individuals believe that competing with

others

has a lot of advantages, but

others

think coopering is more important. In my view, I agree with the latter. I tend to support the view that

people

should try their best to cooperate with

others

To begin

with, cooperation can help

people

get better consequences and be more efficient most of the time since they can separate the tasks among different

people

depending on what they are good at.

For example

, when a group of students needs to finish a presentation, the person who is talented in public speech can handle the

last

performance easily, compared with the

others

who spend a lot of time

practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

, the group can save time to concentrate on refining the other part. Another key consideration should be that it can cultivate cooperation ability, which is valued by most employers since a well-coordinated person can adjust new environment more quickly. Understandably, there are several reasons why

people

might argue that

competition

has advantages. The primary reason they may point out is that through competing with

others

people

realize their shortages effectively can lead to self-improvement to enhance competitiveness.

In addition

, it is the most efficient way to push ourselves to improve which could help to get rewards,

due to

competition

can stimulate the desire to win, leading

people

to try their best to work or study.

for instance

, at work,

competition

for promotions and higher compensation packages.

However

, as far as I am concerned, over-compete may lead to influence on public health because

people

stay in a high-pressure situation, only putting attention on their shortages and ignoring their strengths, leading to a lack of confidence.

Overall

while

in some ways it may seem reasonable that

competition

can help

people

develop abilities and skills to become better, I personally believe that cooperation can reach the same outcome

besides

people

are

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

more relaxed in

this

period.

Submitted by yihualuo525 on Thu Nov 14 2024

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relevant specific examples

Expand on the examples to provide a clearer link between your main points and real-life applications. This will strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.

logical structure

While your paragraphs are generally well-structured, try to make your transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.

supported main points

Work on supporting each main point with additional evidence or examples where possible. This will help to solidify your arguments.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments succinctly.

complete response

You provided a complete response to the task by discussing both views and giving your own opinion, which is crucial for task achievement.

logical structure

The essay showcases logical structuring in your argument presentation, making your general stance easy to follow for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give yourown opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

Food travels thousands of miles from farmers to consumers. Some people think that it would be better for our environment and economy if people consumed locally produced foods. To what extent do the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people, visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen? What can be done to attract more local people to visit places?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answeers and include relevant examples from your own knowlwdge or experience.