It is important for people to take risks, both in professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadavantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Taking
risks
Use synonyms
is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
hotly debated that divides many
oipinions
Correct your spelling
opinions
. Some people argue that
risks
Use synonyms
bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefits for both professional lives and personal lives
while
Linking Words
others think
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can cause more dangerous situations.
For me
Change preposition
Me
show examples
, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
statement and the passages will clarify
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, it is
dennied
Correct your spelling
denied
that sometimes
risks
Use synonyms
leading
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to bad perspectives.
For example
Linking Words
, in the business world, if we
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
have
rise
Add an article
a rise
the rise
show examples
in revenues, we
compel
Wrong verb form
are compelled
show examples
to take
risks
Use synonyms
and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
always successful.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
risks
Use synonyms
can lead to failure and setbacks which can people
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
disheartening
Replace the word
disheartened
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
risks
Use synonyms
take us many opportunities in our lives.
First,
Linking Words
we can develop personal growth and experience,
for instance
Linking Words
, when we accept to participate in hard
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
competition
, it is a good way to get us out of our shells.
Second,
Linking Words
risk-taking is essential for career advancement and opportunities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, taking
risks
Use synonyms
can lead to new experiences and broadened horizons, we can
financial
Add a missing verb
have financial
show examples
and emotional costs associated with taking
risks
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, the learning values from these high-risk experiences should be substantive enough to offset even the most dire hazard of them. In conclusion, despite there
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
some disadvantages, I think
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
still outweigh
these one
Change the determiner
this one
these ones
show examples
with
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
values it
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'oipinions' should be 'opinions', 'dennied' should be 'denied') which can distract the reader.
evidence
Provide more specific and relevant examples to enhance the support for your arguments. For instance, mention specific situations in a professional setting where risk led to success or failure.
clarity
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it, without deviating too much, to improve coherence.
task response
The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
coherence
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and do a reasonable job of framing the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • risk-taking
  • personal growth
  • career advancement
  • setbacks
  • broadening horizons
  • financial and emotional costs
  • innovation
  • progress
  • reward
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • opportunity
  • development
  • failure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: