It is important for people to take risks, both in professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadavantages?

Taking
risks
is
a
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apply
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hotly debated that divides many
oipinions
Correct your spelling
opinions
. Some people argue that
risks
bring
the
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apply
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benefits for both professional lives and personal lives
while
others think
it
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they
show examples
can cause more dangerous situations.
For me
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Me
show examples
, I totally agree with
this
statement and the passages will clarify
this
. On the one hand, it is
dennied
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denied
that sometimes
risks
leading
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lead
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to bad perspectives.
For example
, in the business world, if we
want
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want to
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have
rise
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a rise
the rise
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in revenues, we
compel
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are compelled
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to take
risks
and
not
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are not
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always successful.
Furthermore
,
risks
can lead to failure and setbacks which can people
become
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to become
show examples
disheartening
Replace the word
disheartened
show examples
.
However
,
risks
take us many opportunities in our lives.
First,
we can develop personal growth and experience,
for instance
, when we accept to participate in hard
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
competition
, it is a good way to get us out of our shells.
Second,
risk-taking is essential for career advancement and opportunities.
Moreover
, taking
risks
can lead to new experiences and broadened horizons, we can
financial
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have financial
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and emotional costs associated with taking
risks
.
In other words
, the learning values from these high-risk experiences should be substantive enough to offset even the most dire hazard of them. In conclusion, despite there
are
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being
show examples
some disadvantages, I think
benefits
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the benefits
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still outweigh
these one
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this one
these ones
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with
good
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the good
show examples
values it
take
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takes
show examples
.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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grammar
Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'oipinions' should be 'opinions', 'dennied' should be 'denied') which can distract the reader.
evidence
Provide more specific and relevant examples to enhance the support for your arguments. For instance, mention specific situations in a professional setting where risk led to success or failure.
clarity
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it, without deviating too much, to improve coherence.
task response
The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
coherence
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and do a reasonable job of framing the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • risk-taking
  • personal growth
  • career advancement
  • setbacks
  • broadening horizons
  • financial and emotional costs
  • innovation
  • progress
  • reward
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • opportunity
  • development
  • failure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: