IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the average size class in primary schools and lower secondary schools in 6 countries compared to the world average in 2006.

The bar chart shows the average size class in primary schools and lower secondary schools in 6 countries compared to the world average in 2006.
#bar #size #class #schools #countries #world
The supplied bar chart indicates how much the average
size
 of the
classes
 in elementary and high school was in six various countries compared to the all countries in the world in 2006. It can be clearly seen that the highest
size
 of
classes
 in primary and lower secondary
schools
 was in South Korea.
However
,in
Iceland
Add a comma
Iceland,
show examples
 the students did not have any massive
classes
 in both
elemantary
Correct your spelling
elementary
 and high
schools
 over the period. In South
Korea
Add a comma
Korea,
show examples
 the average
size
 of the
classes
 in high
schools
 was just over 35,just ahead of primary
schools
 with roughly 34 in 2006.
Moreover
,in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 the average
size
 of the
classes
 in lower secondary was a bit bigger than
primary
Change preposition
in primary
show examples
schools
 with nearly 31 and 27,respectively.
In addition
,the students in Mexico aged 5 to 10 years old had considerably smaller
classes
 than the students who were between 13 and 16 years old in 2006.Whilst,the World average
size
 for both elementary
schools
 and lower secondary
schools
 was approximately 25 in 2006.
In contrast
,the amount of
size
 of the
classes
 in elementary
schools
 was as big as
high
Change preposition
in high
show examples
schools
 with
nearby
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
23 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2006.
Similarly
,in
Denmark
Add a comma
Denmark,
show examples
this
 amount was
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 for both of the
schools
 in 2006.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,in Iceland the
size
 of the
classes
 in lower secondary
schools
 was slightly larger than
primary
Change preposition
in primary
show examples
schools
 with 17 and 15,respectively in 2006.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words size, classes, schools with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: