Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
have different views as to whether the most effective method to stay fit is by enrolling in a
gym
. In my perspective, despite some
people
agreeing with
this
approach for various reasons, I firmly believe that activities
such
as walking and climbing stairs bring about many more benefits. On the one hand, there are three main aspects why
people
should join a
gym
in order to stay fit. The first contributing factor is several kinds of equipment that are available for members. To be more illustrated, the
gym
offers more than enough facilities to choose from, allowing its customers to choose which part of their body they want to improve.
Moreover
, it provides trainers with a handful of experience, which plays a crucial role in enhancing individuals as they could give them a piece of advice and guide them to their goals.
Lastly
, a member's schedule would be designed by those trainers, so it indirectly forces them to work out with discipline.
On the other hand
, there are three main reasons that other
people
declare that everyday activities are enough with no need to use
gym
services.
Firstly
,
people
can save money for other essential things.
Instead
of paying for a
gym
membership every month, spending money on daily expenses and education would be worth more in the long run. Another point to be mentioned is convenience since
people
can certainly perform everyday activities at any time and anywhere with less intensity on their bodies.
Lastly
, walking outdoors has many benefits as it allows
people
to relieve their stress and enjoy nature. In conclusion,
although
doing exercise in a
gym
helps
people
to stay fit, I am convinced that it is not the only way to do so.
Submitted by pandin21 on

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task achievement
Aim to develop your main points with a bit more depth. This will enhance the comprehensiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs for improved flow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and presents a clear opinion, which contributes to a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear start and finish to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured workouts
  • Professional guidance
  • Variety of equipment
  • Tailored fitness programs
  • Motivation
  • Convenient
  • Cost-effective
  • Natural integration
  • Comprehensive workout
  • Measure progress
  • Self-motivation
  • Sustainable
  • Fitness habits
  • General well-being
  • Psychological benefits
  • Intimidation
  • Time commitment
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