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Writing Samples
Band 8

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the view?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction
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It is essential for
children
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 to comprehend the distinction between right and wrong during their formative years, a lesson that ultimately offers them invaluable benefits throughout their lives.
However
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, I am wholeheartedly against the notion that
punishment
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 is an effective way to instil these crucial moral guidelines.
Children
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 possess an innate purity and absorb various behaviours from their everyday experiences and interactions. The process of learning to differentiate right from wrong is gradual; it cannot be instantaneously achieved but rather cultivated through appropriate guidance and exposure to diverse social contexts. Relying on
punishment
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 as a primary teaching method is detrimental for two significant reasons.
Firstly
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, positioning
punishment
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 as the main catalyst for learning may inhibit a child’s cognitive development by constraining their ability to form individual perspectives and determine moral distinctions.
This
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 can be likened to an amorphous glass moulded into a specific shape under external pressure, thereby conforming to the prospects of others at the expense of its intrinsic form.
Additionally
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, any form of
punishment
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 tends to perpetuate negative reinforcement, instilling a sense of fear that discourages
children
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 from reassessing their beliefs and behaviours as they mature.
Such
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 an approach can undermine their ability to make sound, independent decisions in adulthood, leading to potential difficulties in navigating the complexities of life and moral dilemmas. That said, I do acknowledge the necessity of discipline in circumstances where a pronounced disconnect exists between a child’s understanding of their actions and the consequences thereof. In
such
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 instances, appropriately administered consequences may prove beneficial as a correctional measure. In conclusion, I maintain that employing
punishment
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 as a method of moral education is not a constructive strategy for parents and educators.
Instead
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, nurturing a supportive environment where
children
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 can learn through guidance and experience fosters a more profound understanding of ethical principles and promotes their
overall
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 development.
Submitted by yektaghandi.78 on

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task achievement
While the essay offers clear and comprehensive ideas, consider including specific examples to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is very good, but make sure every paragraph directly ties back to your main argument to enhance coherence even more.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay, providing a comprehensive viewpoint on the topic.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a deep understanding of the subject matter and articulating a clear stance against punishment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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