IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe citizens should be allowed to carry handguns in order to protect themselves ,while others think this can lead to many social security problems in the society ,what is your opinion , use specific reasons to support your opinion

#people #citizens #handguns #security #society #support
A number of individuals believe that
weapons
 can be purchased and used by common people for self-protection,
while
 others consider that
this
 can be too dangerous and may lead to social issues
such
 as
insecure
Correct article usage
an insecure
show examples
 environment in society.
This
 essay completely supports the second point of view
due to
 the possibility of wrong use of these devices
as well as
 the fact that
wide
Correct article usage
the wide
show examples
 spreading of
weapons
 may lead to a general lack of security in the community. On the one hand, the owner of the handgun can misuse it
due to
 the lack of proper weapon handling training.
For instance
, the homeowner can be scarred by neighbours' teenagers making silly jokes in the night, thinking that someone is trying to break into their house and shoot a child in the dark. Utilizing
such
 a dangerous device requires serious training, practice and responsibility.
Therefore
weapons
 must be used only by professionals
such
 as police officers.
On the other hand
, knowing that someone next to you might carry a gun can cause anxiety and lead to the feeling of being constantly unsafe in the community.
Wide
Add an article
The wide
A wide
show examples
 spread of
weapons
 in the hands of common people may compromise the general level of trust and support in society. In conclusion,
while
 there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some possibilities of using handguns for genuine reasons of self-protection, too much would be lost
as a result
 of wide using it. Lack of trust and security in the society
as well as
 the chances of deaths of innocent members of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 are a too high price for that. Police work should be prioritised to ensure a secure environment.
Submitted by lea12nz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention statistics or case studies regarding gun-related incidents to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point in your argument is fully developed. Expanding on each idea a bit more will provide a clearer and more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices and connectors to further improve the flow of your essay. Words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' and 'however' can help to emphasize and link your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and easy to follow, making the argument clear and persuasive.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate for the task and demonstrates a good grasp of English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: