IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, some consumers are less influenced by advertising than in the past.What are the reasons?Is it a positive or negative development?

#consumers #development
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In many countries,some
people
Use synonyms
 are beginning to
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 influenced by advertising has become a topic of debate.
That is
Linking Words
 because the
internet
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make
Change the verb form
makes
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 any
goods
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’s
information
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be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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widely known by
people
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 right now.I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 a positive development.
The transparency
Correct article usage
Transparency
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Use synonyms
goods’s
Change preposition
of goods’s
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information
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 can make some consumers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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less influenced by advertising
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to immediate and tangible benefits for consumers.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 can understand any
information
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 about the
goods
Use synonyms
 which they want to buy from
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Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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,rather than advertising.
This
Linking Words
 is because shopping online is more popular than
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
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 shopping.In the case of manufacturer direct sale,they would display all
goods
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information
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
such
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 as date of production,raw material,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 the cost
prise
Correct your spelling
price
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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 can catch the message of
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
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 from
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,the
information
Use synonyms
 which
merchant
Fix the agreement mistake
merchants
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 display is abundant and attractive,And it's more real than the advertising.Since,in the case of selling
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
,a lot of merchants on
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 market of
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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,competition is fierce and fair.
As a result
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,
in addition
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 to advertising to impress customers with more real
information
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,the real
information
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 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has replaced flashy advertising.
On the other hand
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,why I agree the advertising influence is declining
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a positive development.
Firstly
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,it means that
Use synonyms
internet’s
Correct article usage
the internet’s
show examples
information
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make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s judgement
be enhanced
Verb problem
apply
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,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is good for
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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find
Fix the infinitive
to find
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genuine excellent quality and cost-effective products when they are shopping.
This
Linking Words
 is because
Use synonyms
information’s
Correct your spelling
information is
show examples
 transparency nowadays.
Use synonyms
people
Capitalize word
People
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 can buy
goods
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 be confidence.It
is contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
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 to
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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 cycle is enhanced.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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 genuine excellent
goods
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 are usually
hided
Correct your spelling
hidden
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.Owing to the company which make excellent products always use capital for manufacture or research and development,rather than cost money for advertising.So,it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 the consumer
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
 the
goods
Use synonyms
 which make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 satisfactory with judgement by themselves. In conclusion,some
people
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 strengthen
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 judgement to choose
goods
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,rather than by advertising,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is a positive thing.I believe
this
Linking Words
 is good for
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 cycle.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, which is a positive development. However, it could benefit from a clearer structure and more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. In addition, ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to better connect ideas.
language accuracy
Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure grammatical accuracy to improve clarity and readability.
task response
The essay takes a clear stance on the issue, providing a focused argument on why the decline in advertising influence is a positive development.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the main points effectively.
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