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Band 4.5

Nowadays, some consumers are less influenced by advertising than in the past.What are the reasons?Is it a positive or negative development?

#consumers #development
In many countries,some
people
 are beginning to
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 influenced by advertising has become a topic of debate.
That is
 because the
internet
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 any
goods
’s
information
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
widely known by
people
 right now.I
am strongly agree
Change the verb form
strongly agree
show examples
that is
 a positive development.
The transparency
Correct article usage
Transparency
show examples
goods’s
Change preposition
of goods’s
show examples
information
 can make some consumers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less influenced by advertising
lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to immediate and tangible benefits for consumers.
To begin
 with,
people
 can understand any
information
 about the
goods
 which they want to buy from
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,rather than advertising.
This
 is because shopping online is more popular than
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 shopping.In the case of manufacturer direct sale,they would display all
goods
information
 on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
such
 as date of production,raw material,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 the cost
prise
Correct your spelling
price
show examples
.
Consequently
,
people
 can catch the message of
commodity
Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
show examples
 from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Moreover
,the
information
 which
merchant
Fix the agreement mistake
merchants
show examples
 display is abundant and attractive,And it's more real than the advertising.Since,in the case of selling
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
goods
,a lot of merchants on
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 market of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,competition is fierce and fair.
As a result
,
in addition
 to advertising to impress customers with more real
information
.
Therefore
,the real
information
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has replaced flashy advertising.
On the other hand
,why I agree the advertising influence is declining
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a positive development.
Firstly
,it means that
internet’s
Correct article usage
the internet’s
show examples
information
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
’s judgement
be enhanced
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is good for
consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
show examples
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genuine excellent quality and cost-effective products when they are shopping.
This
 is because
information’s
Correct your spelling
information is
show examples
 transparency nowadays.
people
Capitalize word
People
show examples
 can buy
goods
 be confidence.It
is contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 cycle is enhanced.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 genuine excellent
goods
 are usually
hided
Correct your spelling
hidden
show examples
.Owing to the company which make excellent products always use capital for manufacture or research and development,rather than cost money for advertising.So,it
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 the consumer
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
 the
goods
 which make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 satisfactory with judgement by themselves. In conclusion,some
people
 strengthen
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 judgement to choose
goods
,rather than by advertising,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is a positive thing.I believe
this
 is good for
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 cycle.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear stance, which is a positive development. However, it could benefit from a clearer structure and more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader. In addition, ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to better connect ideas.
language accuracy
Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure grammatical accuracy to improve clarity and readability.
task response
The essay takes a clear stance on the issue, providing a focused argument on why the decline in advertising influence is a positive development.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, summarizing the main points effectively.
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