IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #zoos #animals
Some would argue that
zoos
 must not exist because
animals
 should be free and not in cages. Other people think that
zoos
 are good places to give shelter to feral
animals
. I believe that
zoos
 are not necessary at these times to see
animals
 enclosed. On one hand,
zoos
 are not necessary to see
animals
 in cages just for human entertainment. Nowadays, there are many TV shows and documentaries where people can watch
animals
 in freedom in their habitats. In fact, with the advent of the internet, it is possible to find out about different
animals
 without the necessity to go to a place to see
animals
 suffering because they are not in their environment. In Buenos Aires’s Zoo, there was a polar bear in bad conditions because the pool with cold water and cage was not enough to keep the bear healthy and welfare expectations of life. In my opinion, these kinds of
animals
 should not stay enclosed in a park in the middle of the city because it is cruel.
On the other hand
,
zoos
 could be used as a reserve for
animals
 in danger, to protect them and reproduce them. There are many projects to protect hurt or hunted
animals
. Even though using those areas for reproduction and to free
animals
 to nature. in Argentina there are two projects to save wild
animals
, in Iguazu Park reserve where biologist ecologists and veterinarians work together to protect the jaguar, and in Buenos Aires’s Zoo where the staff is working hard to reproduce the Andean Condor. I believe that
this
 is how
zoos
 must be used and not as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human fun. In conclusion,
zoos
 are cruel and used as human entertainment.
However
, are extremely useful if they were used as a reproduction station and as a refuge for
animals
 in danger.
Submitted by daniruspi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Enhance the introduction by clearly stating your opinion alongside the main points you're going to discuss. This ensures the reader is well-guided from the start.
coherence
Work on the logical flow within and between paragraphs. Ensure each idea seamlessly connects to the next, enhancing overall readability.
supported main points
Support points with more specific examples or data where possible. This can make your argument more compelling and grounded.
conclusion
Your conclusion is effective in summarizing your main points and restating your opinion clearly.
task achievement
You did a good job discussing both viewpoints, presenting balanced arguments on the topic.
relevance
The examples provided, such as the polar bear in Buenos Aires and the projects in Argentina, enhance the relevance and specificity of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: