IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe what children watch on TV influences their behavior. Some say it's the amount of time watching television that influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Recently, television is becoming an important device that many
people
Use synonyms
 need to entertain so
people
Use synonyms
 think that what
children
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 see on the
TV
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 affects their character,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it’s the number of hours watching television which influences their personality. Personally, I agree with the first point of view.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons why many
people
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 say that the topic
that is
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 presented on
TV
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 affects
children
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. One of the first reasons is that
children
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 tend to imitate what captivates them on
TV
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.
Moreover
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,
TV
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 programmes will form
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children’s
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 way of perspectives.
For instance
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, there are many
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children’s
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 programmes
such
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 as Disney movies about princesses' lives, which
children
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 emulate, and affect the
children
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's spirits.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 believe that the amount of
time
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 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is the reason that influences their behaviour. The justification is that screen
time
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 has a correlation with a sedentary lifestyle, which has adverse effects on
Use synonyms
children’s
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 character, making them vulnerable to mental problems
such
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 as anxiety, and depression.
However
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,
children
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 do not need a long
time
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 to mimic something news like movies that are depicted on the television so
time
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 spent watching
TV
Use synonyms
 does not have much effect on the
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 think that what
children
Use synonyms
 see on
TV
Use synonyms
 is the reason that affects
Use synonyms
children’s
Use synonyms
 personalities most, others believe that
time
Use synonyms
 spent watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is the one. I am personally convinced with the first opinion.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, which is excellent! To further improve your essay, consider adding more relevant specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but make sure to elaborate slightly more on each point for clarity. This will make your arguments even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence. This can be achieved by using more linking words or phrases that connect your ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, but make sure to provide more detailed explanations or examples where possible.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views as required by the task, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing generally flows well and maintains logical structure, which makes it easy for readers to follow your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence behavior
  • imitate actions
  • programming
  • empathy
  • aggressive behavior
  • antisocial behavior
  • excessive television watching
  • physical development
  • contributing to obesity
  • impact academic performance
  • monitoring the content
  • setting reasonable time limits
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