some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has positive effects for children as they grow up. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Some individuals opine that using
television
has been a negative influence on children
. However
, many put forward that growing up with electronic gadgets
has brought benefits to adolescents. Notwithstanding there both schools of thought hold merit, my personal opinion expresses a stronger alignment with the former perspective.
On the one hand, there is a major reason that explains why the appearance of television
in the children
's world could not be highly beneficial. In the past, these electronic gadgets
were not overestimated by the extravagant prices and large capacity, which could be seen to suit wealthy families also
high social strata. During this
period, the connection of community between humans was close-knit. Nevertheless
, as these devices are technologically revolutionized, a plethora of versions of televisions might appeal to households that always have kids and teenagers. Consequently
, the changes cause vastly addicted to technological devices, making them obsess
with outdated information.
Wrong verb form
obsessed
On the other hand
, opponents of the previous suggestion still believe that the ability of electronic gadgets
fosters automatic awareness in kids. While
an enormous resource may have gotten risk of addicting content, there has been a variety of safe platforms for children
to educate. For instance
, Whereas
there are no prevented entertainment services from television
, these enjoyable devices bring better capability in diverse languages for the self-perception of offspring, making some people think that involving television
for young people is also
a good approach.
To recapitulate, although
there are controversial opinions on determining whether the development of television
on teens should be diminished. I think that children
should be focused on gardening and outdoor activities rather than state-of-the-art gadgets
. Having a range of family events could not only encourage healthy relationships and an active environment but also
teach children
some distinctive avenues to communicate and make friends for memorable recollections.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay does address the task, but to enhance the score in Task Achievement, consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, mention particular educational programs or types of outdoor activities that benefit children.
coherence cohesion
There were a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly hindered clarity. For example, sentences like 'the connection of community between humans was close-knit' could be rephrased for better understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your points are fully developed and clearly outlined. Your arguments would be more persuasive if you elaborated on how exactly technological addiction happens and its specific negative consequences.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making the structure easy to follow.
task achievement
You displayed the ability to present and discuss multiple viewpoints, which enriches the discussion.
task achievement
Your conclusion suggests thoughtful alternatives and is nicely related to your view, providing a good wrap-up to your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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