Some people believe the aim of university eduction is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefis of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Thanks to the existence of the educational institution which has produced a number of useful alumni. Yet, the purposes of an educational institution are now distinguished into two aims. Some people believe that the aim of a university is to help alum gain a proper occupation. Meanwhile, others state that a university is more important to improving a person and community.
this
essay will discuss both views and argue that the target of university education is to assist alum in finding an occupation.
To begin
with, the target of taking a college is to help the graduates in gaining their necessary jobs.
Firstly
, some office requires a specific degree for a specific position that the employer is hiring, which means the candidates of the employee are supposed to achieve a degree that suits the position which is being looked for.
Secondly
, to step up the
level
of positions in the company, an employee is expected to increase their
level
of education, particularly those who have finished senior high school only. The higher the
level
of education of employees, the higher the
level
of position that they get.
However
, finishing college is more beneficial to developing an individual and community.
This
is because improving self-confidence is substantially crucial in lifting personal values.
As a result
, the alumna is able to compete independently for higher job opportunities.
In addition
, society around tends to have social issues which need to be taken care of properly.
Furthermore
, the alumna is expected to generate solutions to the problems which appear in society.
This
means the alumna have to contribute to the development of their surroundings, especially in their hometowns. In conclusion, whether it is for job necessity or to influence individuals and the community, people need to be aware of the importance of taking a college for people's lives in general.
Thus
, pursuing an educational institution degree can be a considerable option to think about for the future.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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task achievement
Your essay offers a balanced view of both sides of the argument. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Try to elaborate on each point with concrete instances.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence, ensure that all paragraphs are directly related to and support your main thesis. Also, work on improving transitions between paragraphs and within your argument to make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well. This shows good organizational skills.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas in your essay. Your main points are understandable and relevant to the topic.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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