Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
There is an alarming trend emerging among adolescents—the increasing crime rate.
This
phenomenon, explained by several experts, is a result of insufficient education at school and within the family. Although
without in-depth investigation, Correct word choice
However
such
a theory can indeed offer useful insights into understanding the situation.
It is true that many teenagers involved in violent activities often share two traits, and the first is that they do not have great academic results. However
, this
does not indicate that these students are obtuse or slow on the uptake; on the contrary
, most of them are intelligent and shrewd enough. In fact, in most cases, schools failed them. For example
, in areas where crime rates are significantly higher, schools are always more understaffed and underfunded, which turns the supposedly educational faculties into hotbeds of criminal misconduct. Teachers who are underpaid and overworked also
face the conundrum of not being able to provide adequate support to the countless kids in need. Consequently
, even though many young offenders intended to stay out of trouble, desperation and helplessness drove them off track.
The second feature is their incomplete and even damaged families. In the US, the majority of violent felons who have not entered adulthood are raised by a single parent, mostly the mother. Needless to say, single mums live the most difficult lives having to be the breadwinner and the carer at the same time. Therefore
, it is an unsurprising outcome that children in these families enjoy little necessary company and emotional support, let alone crucial guidance from older ones. For the lucky ones who grew up with a fatherlike presence, prevailing domestic abuse along with
alcohol and drug addiction ruined family relationships, sabotaged any chances of indoctrination, and pushed youngsters to imitate those toxic behaviours.
In closing, teachers and parents are always considered role models and the most vital educators for children to emulate and learn life instructions. Once deprived of such
advantages, developing individuals can easily fall victim to wrongful influences and even commit brutal felonies.Submitted by yanjinru0827 on
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task achievement
Your argument could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments. Mentioning and refuting other possible reasons for the rise in violent crime can demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Although your essay has strong coherence overall, a few more transitional phrases could enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You provide specific and relevant examples to support your points, making your argument convincing and comprehensive.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?