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Writing Samples
Band 7

In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

#today’s #world #science #technology #value #artists #musicians #painters #writers #arts #life
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In
this
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 digital era, the value of
art
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 has often been questioned, as its contributions to the development of the human race appear less tangible compared to
science
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 and
technology
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.
While
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 some artists may struggle with
this
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 perception, others remain confident in
art
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's unique ability to convey aspects of life that
science
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 and
technology
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 cannot. The prevalence of data and statistics in our lives has made almost everyone adept at using computers and smartphones. Modern
technology
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 has transformed how we access and engage with
art
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.
For example
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, music, once only available live or through physical media like vinyl records and cassettes, is now accessible on platforms
such
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 as Spotify with a single click.
Similarly
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, people can easily create digital paintings on their iPads
instead
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 of using traditional canvases. Despite these advancements,
art
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's true value lies in its ability to connect with the human soul. Traditional tools like musical instruments, paintbrushes, and pen and paper allow artists to channel their emotions and creativity into their work. A world without music concerts,
for instance
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, would leave many feeling disconnected and uninspired. Humans need more than just physical sustenance; they crave emotional and spiritual nourishment as well.
While
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science
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 and
technology
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fulfill
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fulfil
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 our material needs,
art
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 provides the cognitive and psychological refreshment essential for a well-rounded life. In conclusion,
although
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science
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 and
technology
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 have revolutionized our world, they cannot replace the unique impact of
art
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.
Art
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 inspires and nurtures the human spirit in ways that are irreplaceable, highlighting its enduring importance in our lives.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
To achieve an even higher score, include more specific examples or evidence to support the points made. For instance, the mention of musical concerts could be expanded with an example of a famous artist or event that illustrates the emotional impact of live music.
task achievement
Consider exploring counterarguments briefly to present a balanced discussion. What might critics say about the indispensability of science and technology? Addressing such viewpoints and refuting them can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is explicitly connected to the central argument. Some parts of the essay touch upon relevant ideas but can be more directly tied to the essay's main theme.
coherence cohesion
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother. Using linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and well-formulated, providing a strong frame for your argument.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the prompt, touching upon several important points about the value of art versus science and technology.
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