Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is sometimes argued that shopping malls and manufacturers should buy more packaged

products

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but many people think that they have the responsibility to sell

products

Use synonyms

without packaging will improve the

environment

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but packaged

products

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are used for necessary situations.

Firstly

Linking Words

, buying

products

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with less packaging will make the

environment

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better and greener than using too much packaging.

Linking Words

Due to the

Change preposition

The

show examples

packaging made from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

biodegradable

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

paper, it is more friendly to the

environment

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and it

also

Linking Words

improves

qualities

Correct article usage

the qualities

show examples

of the atmosphere at a higher level.

For instance

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, the ratio pollution in Viet Nam many years ago soared

up at

Change preposition

apply

show examples

high but after using paper packaging and decreasing the

plastic

Use synonyms

packages

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, the percentage of pollution has gone down.

Additionally

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, recycled packing is

also

Linking Words

a solution to keep the

environment

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better and it is easy to destroy. Turning to the other hand, using packaged

products

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from manufacturers and shopping malls may make the

products

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more beautiful and raise the cost of the items.

Moreover

Linking Words

, packaged

products

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usually

make

Change the form of the verb

made

show examples

plastic

Use synonyms

so they can reused

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

many times and the seller can get more income when

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

used

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

it.

For example

Linking Words

, keep the

plastic

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packaged after going shopping people can use it for contained or recycled even that they can use it for other times going shopping .

This

Linking Words

point may be true, but buying without

packages

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also

Linking Words

has more benefits than using

Correct article usage

a packaged

show examples

packaged

Replace the word

package

show examples

. In

writer's

Correct article usage

the writer's

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opinion, no

packages

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

better because residents in the world use

plastic

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packaging and waste it. The

environment

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

nowadays needs to be protected and improved by cutting down

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plastic

Change preposition

on plastic

show examples

products

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, selling fewer

packages

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responsible

Add a missing verb

being responsible

show examples

for buying

products

Use synonyms

with fewer

packages

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

had benefits and negative impacts. The essay shows that buying with no

packages

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has more

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

for each individual and the

environment

Use synonyms

Wed Jun 12 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses both views, but there needs to be a clearer distinction and more detailed exploration of each argument. For instance, provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Sometimes, the points feel a bit disconnected. Using linking phrases could help to create a more seamless narrative.

structure

The essay has a solid structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a good practice.

task achievement

You’ve made a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

302 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

excessive packaging
plastic waste
environmental impact
sustainable production
consumption
eco-friendly lifestyle
raise awareness
informed choices
personal carbon footprint
prioritize environmental sustainability
reduce packaging waste

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Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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