IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who are been in person become good citizens later, and it is of often agreed that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangerous of committing a crime. Extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #person #citizens #teenagers #crime
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There is a growing consensus that the best
people
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 to educate
teenagers
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 about the dangers of
commiting
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committing
 a crime
,
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apply
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 are
people
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 who are
percieved
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perceived
 as good
citizens
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
yo
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to
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 what extent it is significant having well-behaved
citizens
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 have a pep talk with
teenagers
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 about wrongdoings. On the one hand,
people
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 who believe that
teenagers
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 should be taught about prohibited deeds often tend to believe that the optimal
people
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 to lecture them are respected
citizens
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 mainly because they represent what
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a teenager
teenagers
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teenagers
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 could visualize
themeselves
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themselves
 in the future.
In other words
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, most
teenagers
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 are influenced by role models.
For instance
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, a study conducted by the
university
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University
show examples
 of Toronto showed that
teenagers
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 are influenced by individuals who possess traits that are appreciated in the community when they warn about
chain
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the chain
a chain
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 of actions that eventually lead to being a culprit. 
Moreover
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, young adults listen to those who have
succedded
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succeeded
 in their contributions to society.
Therefore
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, many schools have succeeded in launching campaigns that promote against
violance
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violence
violent
 acts. Another study
thag
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that
 was conducted by Cardiff University revealed that many young individuals refrained from dangerous acts that most criminals are known for indulging in, after
recieving
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receiving
 a series of lectures given by teachers. In conclusion, the power held by good
citizens
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 over young generations is best shown in their ability to inspire
adloscents
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adolescents
 to be good
citizens
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. Since
teenagers
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 look up to their teachers, role models and ideal
citizens
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 in general, they will be more prone to act like them, especially when they teach them about evil deeds.
Submitted by alamer_ma on

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task achievement
The essay introduces the topic effectively and provides a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points. However, it would benefit from a stronger, more precise thesis statement to clarify your position on the issue. Consider stating clearly whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but sometimes repetitive. Ensure each paragraph presents a unique point to avoid redundancy. Additionally, proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is mostly coherent. However, enhancing the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could improve the overall coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. Personal anecdotes, statistical data, or real-life examples will make your essay more convincing. For instance, mentioning specific programs or campaigns that good citizens led could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and remains focused on the topic throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear opening to the discussion and a summarized ending.
coherence cohesion
You have made a good attempt to support your main points with examples, which enhances the credibility of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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