IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently, you can find everything by surfing the net or
check
Wrong verb form
checking
show examples
 social media
such
Linking Words
 as
celebrities
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Change noun form
'
show examples
style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
Also
Linking Words
, it’s
extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
show examples
 important
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
between
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fans.
However
Linking Words
,
a mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 believes that the private lives of famous
people
Use synonyms
 have to be secret. I am strongly in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the opinion that everyone like
celebrities
Use synonyms
 must have
an
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
life
Use synonyms
 without sharing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. On the one hand, every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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been having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some initial problem with something and cannot solve it.
then
Linking Words
, they do not
share
Use synonyms
 it with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 close friends. If you know
privet
Correct article usage
a privet
show examples
 issue about a person and say
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 she or he
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 shy.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
, renowned person experiences
this
Linking Words
 worse than other
people
Use synonyms
. Maybe they kill themselves for
this
Linking Words
 news
due to
Linking Words
 their lost their followers. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
celebrities
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as an ideal portrait in Television or other media.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they are real
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, they need to experience some different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 like other
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they need shopping,
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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entertains
Change the verb form
entertain
show examples
 so, when they
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
share
Use synonyms
 their
life
Use synonyms
 they can post it in their scene.
Although
Linking Words
,
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 they like
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 other but when the paparazzi take
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
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 and send
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 anywhere so they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 go anywhere
then
Linking Words
 they become sick. - In conclusion, with the reasons mentioned above, I think whole of
the
Correct your spelling
all
show examples
people
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 a
privet
Correct your spelling
private
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and when they
share
Use synonyms
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own page they like
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
share
Use synonyms
 it and other
people
Use synonyms
 should accept
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 idea and believe it so they must not
share
Use synonyms
celebrities
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 when they dissatisfied.

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task achievement
The introduction needs to be clearer and should outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. This helps set the stage for what the reader can expect.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and difficult to follow because of grammatical errors. Focus on sentence structure to ensure clarity and readability.
task achievement
Specific examples should be provided to support your arguments more effectively. For instance, mentioning specific incidents where celebrities' private lives were invaded could strengthen your point.
task achievement
The essay tries to address both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to take in such tasks.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points, which is important in providing a complete response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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