You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.
Currently, you can find everything by surfing the net or
check
social media Wrong verb form
checking
such
as celebrities
life
Change noun form
'
style
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
Also
, it’s extremely
important Correct article usage
an extremely
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
between
fans. Change preposition
for
However
, a mount
of Correct your spelling
amount
people
believes that the private lives of famous people
have to be secret. I am strongly in favor
of the opinion that everyone like Change the spelling
favour
celebrities
must have an
own Change the word
their
life
without sharing in
social media.
On the one hand, every Change preposition
on
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
been having
some initial problem with something and cannot solve it. Verb problem
apply
then
, they do not share
it with other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
specially
Replace the word
especially
they
close friends. If you know Correct pronoun usage
their
privet
issue about a person and say Correct article usage
a privet
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
any one
, Correct your spelling
anyone
then
she or he become
shy. Change the verb form
becomes
Specially
, renowned person experiences Replace the word
Especially
this
worse than other people
. Maybe they kill themselves for this
news due to
their lost their followers.
On other
hand, Correct article usage
the other
celebrities
not
Add a missing verb
are not
same
as an ideal portrait in Television or other media. Correct article usage
the same
Nevertheless
, they are real human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
therefore
, they need to experience some different situation
like other Fix the agreement mistake
situations
people
. As a result
, they need shopping, trip
and Fix the agreement mistake
trips
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
entertains
so, when they Change the verb form
entertain
like
Add the particle
like to
share
their life
they can post it in their scene. Although
, sometime
they like Replace the word
sometimes
have
Add the particle
to have
private
Correct article usage
a private
life
other but when the paparazzi take them
Correct pronoun usage
their
photo
and send Fix the agreement mistake
photos
it
anywhere so they Correct pronoun usage
them
could not
go anywhere Wrong verb form
cannot
then
they become sick.
- In conclusion, with the reasons mentioned above, I think whole of the
Correct your spelling
all
people
needs
a Change the verb form
need
privet
Correct your spelling
private
life
and when they share
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
in
their own page they like Change preposition
on
it
to Correct pronoun usage
apply
share
it and other people
should accept people
idea and believe it so they must not Change noun form
people's
share
celebrities
life
when they dissatisfied.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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task achievement
The introduction needs to be clearer and should outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. This helps set the stage for what the reader can expect.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and difficult to follow because of grammatical errors. Focus on sentence structure to ensure clarity and readability.
task achievement
Specific examples should be provided to support your arguments more effectively. For instance, mentioning specific incidents where celebrities' private lives were invaded could strengthen your point.
task achievement
The essay tries to address both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to take in such tasks.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion attempts to summarize the main points, which is important in providing a complete response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example