Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
With an ever-increasing concern about how to utilize the purpose of
sports
facilities
, some individuals may have opined that building specialized facilities
to train top athletes
would bring positive outcomes
for this
issue. This
essay will, however
, provide some reasons why I firmly think that this
phenomenon will yield negative consequences.
To begin
with, some individuals may argue that positive outcomes
for the entire society would be created via specialized facilities
to train top athletes
. From the perspective of associations, they have been suffering from the lack of opportunities to participate in international sports
games due to
the circumstances where there were not enough specialized facilities
to train top athletes
. Therefore
, those athletes
can actually benefited
from the activated implementation of building specialized Change the verb form
benefit
be benefited
facilities
to gain effective training and enhance their performances.
Furthermore
, compared to random nations with properly provided special facilities
and campaigns for top athletes
, those countries without any funded infrastructure and provisions have shown that fewer and fewer athletes
have been engaged in professional training and therefore
, have fewer chances to participate in international sports
games.
In spite of those reasons mentioned above, I completely contend that this
trend will ultimately deteriorate the entire society in the long term. Providing few agreements on previous arguments, moving to governments can illuminate a different perspective. The most priority of them is maximizing their citizen’s well-being and bringing societal benefits and this
consequently
demonstrates that governments should not make decisions based on sole representative opinion. Moreover
, there must be other factors to be weighed in appreciating the actual causal relationship between achieving international sports
and building special facilities
for top athletes
and potential outcomes
.
In conclusion, some individuals may argue that building special facilities
for top athletes
would bring positive outcomes
for this
issue. Nevertheless
, I completely believe that making the positive effects of building sports
facilities
more achievable will require more consideration and thus
more relevant parties in society should be entirely involved for more sustainable advantages.Submitted by rachael0124 on
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task achievement
Your essay contains a clear stance and addresses the topic effectively. However, try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. Specific examples will add weight to your points and make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are thoroughly developed. For instance, while you have mentioned that governments should prioritize citizen well-being, you could provide more explanation and examples to bolster this argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between your points. This will help guide the reader through your essay more effectively. Using linking words and phrases can assist with this.
coherence cohesion
Check your essay for minor grammatical and phrasing issues. For example, phrases like 'actually benefited' should be 'can actually benefit', and 'most priority' should be 'main priority'. Correcting these will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance on it. This is essential for a well-structured essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your stance, giving the essay a clear end.
task achievement
You have demonstrated a good command of English with a varied vocabulary, which makes your essay more engaging.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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