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Band 7

The most important aim for science should be to improve peeople's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #peeople #lives
With the advancement of technologies, some suggest that improving the well-being of humankind should be the first priority for scientific
innovation
. I strongly agree with
this
 notion. In
this
 essay, the reasons behind my support and possible examples will be described in detail.
To begin
 with,
while
 scientific
innovation
 and advancement can change our
lives
 in many positive ways,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can have a serious negative impact on human life.
For example
, Albert Einstein, the greatest scientist, who had inspired many people, was once involved in deadly weapons, which were used in the World War, killing a million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lives
. Many scientific methods and processes created
such
 negative effects on environments and humans, by using environmental resources
such
 as wood from forests and coal from destroyed mountains.
Additionally
, its waste products pollute air and water, which significantly affects animals and individuals.
For instance
, accidents in nuclear power plants like Chornobyl severely pollute nearby areas with hazardous radiation.
However
, scientific
innovation
 can improve our well-being and plays an important role in daily life, providing convenience and safety for everyone.
For example
, a self-driving car from microchip
innovation
, resulting in the decline of accidental events, many medical technologies including robotic surgery, advanced medications and many medical tools can save an abundance of human
lives
. In conclusion, with the appropriate aim of human well-being for scientific growth, it can provide the greatest benefits for humankind and improve our daily
lives
such
 as advanced medication, less complicated surgery, safer driving, and lessening any serious drawbacks.
Therefore
, the government should be responsible for scientific advancement, ensuring citizens a better life in the future.
Submitted by sippakorn.wet on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of information. This will improve the logical structure and make your argument more cohesive.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will give depth to your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the main argument and provides a strong thesis statement.
complete response
The essay covers multiple aspects of the issue and gives a well-rounded perspective, demonstrating good control of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the thesis statement, offering a clear final perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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