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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows changes in the number of internal students in Australia in 2019 and 2020

The chart below shows changes in the number of internal students in Australia in 2019 and 2020
The graph illustrates fluctuations in the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of overseas
students
Use synonyms
 in Australia during the years 2019 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend in the
number
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 of Indian,
Nepalese
Correct word choice
and Nepalese
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students
Use synonyms
 enrolling in Australian schools,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of the remaining nations experienced a slight decrease.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 China remained at the top during the whole of that period. Looking at the details,the country which had
a
Change the article
the
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 largest
number
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 of foreign
students
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 in Australia was China,with 182.325 in 2019 in the next year the
number
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 declined by 14,757.The
number
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 of Indian
students
Use synonyms
 came
a
Correct article usage
apply
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second place, with about 92,000 in 2019,
thereafter
Linking Words
 which it grew to 108.049
students
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. The figure for Nepal
students
Use synonyms
 was around 22,204 in the first year, In 2020 inappreciably increased to more than 50.000. Turning to other details, Brazil and Malaysia witnessed
slight
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a slight
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 decline in 2020, except Vietnam saw a minimal rise, about 23, 269
students
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. Brazil and Malaysia went down
about
Change preposition
to about
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 21, 086
students
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 and the latter
falling
Wrong verb form
fell
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at
Change preposition
to
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 19, 564
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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