IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are various
skills
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 which got lost in
this
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 contemporary epoch that have played a vital role in the lives of people in the past years. Knitting, cleaning, and repairs were done by individuals themselves but no
such
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 talents are seen.
This
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 essay will delve into the reason behind
this
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 changed scenario
along with
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 explaining the reality of
this
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 in my nation India.
To begin
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 with, the most prominent reason for disappearing
skills
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 is the development of new technologies
such
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 as knitting and sewing
machines
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.
Machines
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 have replaced humans as they can finish the job in a few hours
whereas
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 people took a few days to complete the same task in yesteryears.
Furthermore
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,
machines
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 not only save time but they
also
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 provide better quality to customers. Another pivotal reason behind the disappearance of
skills
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 is the hectic schedule of human beings. Folks are excessively busy earning money so they get disconnected from their ancestorial
skills
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.
This
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 situation is truly observed in Indian culture because in the past years making their own clothes and doing their own repairs were enjoyed by humans and considered their passion but, nowadays,
Indian’s
Fix the agreement mistake
Indians’s
show examples
 started devoting themselves and playing with computerized devices that provide them comfort and relaxation. Mobile phones and laptops have become ubiquitous.
Moreover
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, the mentality of Indian people has changed a lot they think money can buy everything that they need,
thus
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 they do not give importance to spending time with their elderly. As they are busy themselves
thus
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, they are not able to learn any useful and fascinating
skills
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 of the past.
To conclude
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, as per the matrimonial mentioned above it is crystal clear that
machines
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, busy
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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, and lack of interest are the primary causes of the disappearance of talents like sewing and knitting. It is not appreciable that youth is getting disconnected from their culture.

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task achievement
The introduction is well-written, providing a clear understanding of the topic and the points that will be discussed. However, the last sentence of the introduction is a bit vague. It would be beneficial to clearly state what the essay aims to discuss and establish a clearer direction. For instance, specify that the essay will examine the causes and the current situation of these disappearing skills in India.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are clear and generally comprehensive. However, they could be better organized. Specifically, the second paragraph mentions both the development of technology and busy lifestyles as reasons for the disappearance of skills, but these points could be better separated and expanded upon in distinct paragraphs. This would make the arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific and relevant examples. While the points about advanced technology and changes in lifestyles are valid, including specific examples related to these points would strengthen the argument. For instance, mentioning a particular instance where technology has replaced traditional skills, or providing a specific anecdote about how busy lifestyles have contributed to the loss of these skills in India, would add more weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs follow a logical structure, but clearer topic sentences would enhance coherence. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and leads logically to the next. Try using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and terms such as 'machines' and 'skills'. Try to use synonyms or rephrase to maintain reader interest. For example, instead of repeatedly saying 'skills are disappearing,' consider variations like 'decline in traditional skills' or 'loss of ancestral abilities.'
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion well and provides a clear beginning and ending for the reader.
supported main points
The main points are supported with reasons, which helps to create a logical argument. This is a good practice that should be continued.
complete response
The essay does a good job at addressing the task, especially in explaining why traditional skills are disappearing and providing some context about the situation in India.
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