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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart gives information about the amounts of people, who are interested in certain sport

The bar chart gives information about the amounts of people, who are interested in certain sport
The bar chart gives information about the amounts of
people
Use synonyms
, who are interested in six sport types: football, swimming, rugby, snooker, tennis and
golf
Use synonyms
 in 1995, 2000 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, football attracted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the biggest percentage of
respondents
Use synonyms
 in all three
years
Use synonyms
 with
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
45%.
And
Correct word choice
Golf
show examples
golf
Use synonyms
 was the least interesting option
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the period
completing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
with
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
17% of all the
respondents
Use synonyms
. In 1995, football attracted 42% of all
people
Use synonyms
. Five
years
Use synonyms
 later, in 2000, it started to rise in popularity and generated interest in 43% of
respondents
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 rugby, snooker, tennis and
golf
Use synonyms
 sharply fell down in popularity. Five more
years
Use synonyms
after
Rephrase
later
show examples
, it still didn't lose its fame and reached the amount of 45% of society, who were interested in
this
Linking Words
 sport type,
while
Linking Words
 swimming slightly went down in interest. The percentage of interested
people
Use synonyms
 in another four
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 types
stayed
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 almost
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
 in all ten
years
Use synonyms
.
Golf
Use synonyms
 started from the percentage at
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
17%,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in all three
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2000,
golf
Use synonyms
 slightly fell down in fame to 15% of
people
Use synonyms
, and again
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 a bit up to 16% of all
respondents
Use synonyms
 five
years
Use synonyms
 after, in 2005.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 88%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, golf, respondents, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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