Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is an undeniable fact that the number of the elderly is increasing at a fast speed. I feel that
this
will make it more demanding for
society
to deal with a number of problems caused by the trend because it greatly affects the national economy
due to
the lack of workforce
whereas
some are optimistic that the rapid advancement of technology will sustain
business
activities. The government will be expected to welcome more immigrant labourers to fill the severe shortage. On the one hand,
society
will suffer when economic growth is incredibly affected as more senior employees reach their retirement age.
In other words
, the lack of a workforce will lead to a national recession.
For instance
, the GDP in Japan has dropped intensely from 6.5 to 4 on average for the
last
few years since more older workers have retired from their work, which makes it more difficult for Japan to compete with other global markets, creating more poverty and crimes, making it a hostile and unsafe place to live for future generations.
Thus
, the government is required to employ more young people from foreign countries to support the domestic
business
. Being tolerant of foreign workers, Japan will boost the productivity and advancement of
business
in various fields.
On the other hand
, it is often believed that countries will not be damaged as much as expected because of the technology being advanced at an accelerating speed. Indeed, it has already replaced the human workforce in different industries.
For example
, more automatic cashiers are practically introduced in supermarkets and there are even robots which can take orders in restaurants.
Therefore
, the declining number of senior labourers will not deteriorate the national economy since the prevalence of
such
technological devices can fill their shortages.
Furthermore
, their sophisticated program not only reduces errors but
also
conducts work much faster than humans, which will promote
business
activities in broad ranges. In conclusion,
while
some believe
society
will not be affected by the ageing
society
thanks to technology replacing retired elderly employees, I feel that the country will face serious problems, for the incredible damage to the economy and life cannot be avoided. The government should be more flexible in accepting immigrant workers to fill their shortage.
Submitted by mizuho on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how technology can specifically replace jobs in various sectors, providing a balanced view in your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea, this will improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a strong frame for your arguments.
task achievement
You have included relevant specific examples, such as the impact on Japan's GDP and the use of automatic cashiers and robots.

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