IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Prevention of disease is believed to be more advantageous than treatment.
For
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this
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 reason, a large portion of the
health
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 budget should be spent on prevention measures rather than remedies.
This
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 essay completely acknowledges that and prefers investment in
health
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 education and protective action to medical interventions. The details will be explained in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, allocating a significant portion of healthcare finance to Preemptive strategies results in diminishing illness and disease, and
as a result
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 heavy expenditure on therapy will be minimized.
That is
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 to say, by enhancing preventive plans
such
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 as vaccination and screening for early detection of disease, governments or individuals can tackle potential
health
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 problems.
For example
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, in 2022, it was reported in the New York Times that 70
percent
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per cent
show examples
 of Japanese never got COVID-19 because they had been vaccinated at the beginning of the pandemic which resulted in reduced medical fees.
Secondly
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, investing in
health
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 education can empower people to make informed decisions about their
health
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 so they can adopt healthier lifestyles like healthy diets, and avoid harmful habits like smoking and excessive alcohol consumption.
Hence
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, people can take preemptive steps to prevent the onset of
health
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 issues
such
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 as diabetes and obesity.
For instance
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, a report published in the Washington Post in 2024 revealed that approximately 80
percent
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per cent
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 of Italians had a good
health
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 condition because they were aware of wellness challenges.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay supports that investment in prevention action and
health
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 information is more important than cure owing to decreasing treatment costs and improving
overall
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 public
health
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 outcomes.
Therefore
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, the more protective strategies increase, the more population
health
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 increases.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-organized, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to include some counterarguments or address potential objections to strengthen the argument even further. This would show a more balanced analysis.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by addressing both health education and prevention measures.
task achievement
Use of relevant and specific examples, such as the case of Japan's COVID-19 vaccination and the health condition of Italians, effectively supports the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion that help frame the discussion well.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured and well-supported with evidence, which enhances the overall coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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