IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Television sports show such as Olympic are a good source of motivation for youth who do not of like to exercise much do you agree or disagree include examples in your answers and provide your own opinion

#television #sports #show #olympic #source #motivation #youth #exercise #answers
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Watching sports on television is a great way to get young people to exercise In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will show how watching sports shows can encourage youths to be more active. Seeing others on TV shows
such
 as the
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
 can make teenagers motivated to do more sport
due to
 them realising how amazing and cool it is, like swimming
for example
 seeing athletes jumping off very high stands may seem enjoyable for youths and
therefore
 give them the motivation to do it.
As well as
 football young boys who enjoy running around in the park can discover a new way to gain friends and have some competition against other teams In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 watching sports and athletics on television can be beneficial to youth and be extremely motivating for them to go out and start playing themselves,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
show examples
 I think it's a great way to encourage young people to be more active
Submitted by ghj9377 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. For instance, elaborate on how watching specific sports can influence particular behaviors or changes in activity levels among youths.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea. The ideas presented should logically flow from one to the other, maintaining a coherent structure throughout the essay. Currently, the transition between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should provide a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should sum up the key arguments and provide a final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
The essay stays on topic and addresses the question of whether television sports shows can motivate youths to exercise.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively encapsulates the main argument and provides a personal opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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