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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the recent increasing cheap air travel brings benefits, while other people think it has drawbacks to the environment involves resources. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #air #travel #environment #resources
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Air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 recently
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more cheap
Replace the words
cheaper
show examples
 and
thus
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of travels
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 increasing.
This
Linking Words
 could be beneficial but may
also
Linking Words
 have some hazards. As regards the benefits, the expanding cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 makes travelling more easy and available. We should keep in mind the possible side effects to the
environment
Use synonyms
 as these cheap
air
Use synonyms
 travels may affect the
environment
Use synonyms
 badly by poor quality fuel. Available cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 is now considered a good option
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 agencies.
For example
Linking Words
, it attracts many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
clients and makes
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 more
money saving
Add a hyphen
money-saving
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 makes cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 a demand by many clients in agencies and agencies begin to expand in cheap
air
Use synonyms
 travelling to increase their income.
As a result
Linking Words
, cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 becomes a benefit
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 may affect the
environment
Use synonyms
 in a bad way.
For instance
Linking Words
, the bad quality material of cheap planes could be harmful to the
environment
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long run. Vividly,
this
Linking Words
 is a responsibility of the government to take care of. So, We could make use of cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 but not
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the expense of
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 pollution. In conclusion, cheap
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 makes travelling much
frequent
Correct quantifier usage
more frequent
show examples
 and less problematic regarding availability and prizes.
However
Linking Words
, the effect on the
environment
Use synonyms
 by the harmful fuel and waste products could be serious
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
 term.
Thus
Linking Words
,it should not be widely increased, but it could be
limited
Add an article
a limited
show examples
 option with good monitoring. In my opinion, it is the
ususal cinflict
Correct your spelling
usual conflict
 between
Use synonyms
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
Correct your spelling
resources
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 saving and personal benefits which
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wise management to balance between both.
Submitted by maryamansour11 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and covers both views, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. Make sure to outline your opinion more explicitly from the beginning.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant and detailed examples. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraphs are well connected. Consider using more transitional phrases to link your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and make your points more concise. This will make your argument more focused and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the overall argument.
task achievement
The essay discusses both benefits and drawbacks, showing an effort to cover the topic comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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