IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

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It is true that mobile
phones
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 always influence each individual both positively and negatively. From my perspective,
this
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 practice is harmful to a certain extent. The following paragraph will shed light on my viewpoints. By far the most common criticism of mobile
phones
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 is the fact that we are now expected to be available at all hours of the day. Before mobile
phones
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 were invented, the time spent away from work was our own, but now it seems that the separation between work and free time has disappeared.
For instance
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, mobile
phones
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 pose certain health risks and can be dangerous if drivers use them at the wheel or if people cross busy roads
while
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 texting. There have been several mobile phone-related accidents and fatalities. A final negative effect is that in public places
such
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 as on the train or at the cinema, there is no escape from the noise of annoying ringtones and loud, one-sided conversations.
On the other hand
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, there are some advantages of mobile
phones
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.
Firstly
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, the most powerful argument in their favour is that they can be used to call for help in the most inaccessible places,
for example
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 when a car breaks down in a remote area, and emergency services can be called to the scene of an accident without delay.
Secondly
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, the Internet is the best way to communicate with each other.
For instance
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, people can communicate by phone when they are far away from each other. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some clear drawbacks to mobile
phones
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, their efficiency, portability and multi-functional abilities have greatly enhanced most aspects of our lives and the plus points certainly offset the downsides

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task achievement
The essay does a good job in presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. However, to achieve a higher score, try to develop your ideas with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will showcase your ability to discuss topics in-depth.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure is quite clear and easy to follow. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and progresses logically to support your main point. Additionally, using more transition words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing your stance effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers relevant points on both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the task.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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