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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Youths in some nations, including some Asian, African and Western countries, comprise the highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have many advantages
as well as
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 demerits for a
country
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. I personally believe that a
country
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 reaps more benefits from its active and young workforce. Having a large proportion of young adults and a relatively low percentage of seniors may lead to a disbalance in the demography of a nation and bring some negative consequences. Unemployment could be one
such
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 significant negative outcome which can lead to increasing crime rates, social unrest and political instability.
Moreover
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, elderly people have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for many important state positions. With their diminishing numbers, the nation may struggle to find suitable elderly to fill those positions.
For instance
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, elderly politicians, writers, researchers and doctors have more to contribute to society than their younger counterparts.
On the other hand
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, the young generation is dynamic, and energetic, and can contribute to the job sector which has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the
country
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. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old dogma. It gives them a competitive advantage in bringing innovations. It is undeniable that the educated young generation is the best resource a
country
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 can have, and their contribution to the
country
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 is significantly higher than the participation of children and elder people.
For instance
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, technological development is mostly driven by youths and many countries reap the benefits of technological advancements from their relatively higher younger populations.
To conclude
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, older people should not be considered a burden for the
country
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;
however
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, the young have more to contribute to society and the
country
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 as a whole.
This
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 is why it is more beneficial for a
country
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 to have an active and innovative workforce than dependent senior citizens.

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task achievement
You've provided a balanced discussion by addressing both advantages and disadvantages. However, you may want to elaborate a bit more on each point to provide a more exhaustive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of cohesive devices to connect your ideas more smoothly. For example, rather than using simple conjunctions like 'and', you can use phrases like 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'moreover' to enhance the flow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will not only demonstrate your point more clearly but also show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively introducing and summarizing your main points.
task achievement
The essay discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of having a younger population, which shows a balanced viewpoint and a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of vocabulary and sentence structures is varied and appropriate, which makes your essay more engaging to read.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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