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Band 6

Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?

#street #shops #business #years #development
Many physical stores have gone bankrupt in recent years.
This
 essay will explain in detail which factors can make it happen
as well as
 put forward the proposition that the negative impacts of
this
 are far outweighed by its positives. First and foremost, the appearance of shopping
malls
 is a significant reason why
street
shops
 have disappeared.
This
 is because the goods and quality in the shopping
malls
 is better than
street
shops
.
In contrast
,customers can have the risks of theft and robbery when shopping at the high
street
shops
.
Additionally
, the younger generation mostly prefers to purchase online
shops
. They can surf the internet to choose the product they want at home. Online shopping has become more and more popular from 2019 to the present day. Personally speaking, shopping online or in shopping
malls
 has both positive and negative effects. In terms of advantages, it is more comfortable and secure,
whereas
 they can have it in a physical store.
Furthermore
,
due to
 buying online, there is a solution for many people who have to
pay
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 a wide range of time
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
who
Correct word choice
and who
show examples
 can’t leave their house or company. Moving into the detrimental impacts that it has had on customers and the governing authorities.if there are no high
street
shops
, there will be no opponent for shopping centres or online shopping to compete and
consequently
, they can increase the prices. To recapitulate, even though it is undeniable that the progression of both
malls
 and online shopping could lead to a number of positive effects. I strongly believe the trend of vanishing these
shops
 is a harmful development.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a clear position on the issue. However, some of the arguments lack detailed support. Consider providing more specific examples or data to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is generally clear, but there are moments where the flow between ideas could be improved. Focus on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, 'there is a solution for many people who have to pay a wide range of time to their job' is unclear and should be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well by clearly stating both the issue and your position on it.
task achievement
You've identified relevant factors that contribute to the decline of high street shops, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your position, providing a coherent end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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