IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most effective way to solve city traffic and transport problems is to encourage people from the cities to live in the suburbs or the countryside . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Traffic and transport problems have arisen in many parts of the world. It is widely asserted that the most effective
solution
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 to address
this
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 matter is to encourage citizens to
move
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 to the suburbs or the countryside. From my observation, I strongly disagree with
this
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 viewpoint for a variety of reasons.
Firstly
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, incentivising city residents to live in remote
areas
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 can negatively influence its environment.
This
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 means that if
people
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move
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 from cities to these
areas
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, the
pollution
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 rates in the countryside are more likely to increase because more
people
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 drive more vehicles and release more toxic emissions. A particularly good example is that in 2009, TV5Monde reported that water
pollution
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 and air
pollution
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 rates in the Indian countryside called Masynram had increased drastically because more
people
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 had moved to that region.
Secondly
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,
although
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this
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solution
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 can reduce city congestion and transport problems, it may lead to the drain of the workforce.
As a result
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, if the government encourages employees and professionals to
move
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 from cities to suburbs, their cities will face a lot of difficulties in finding employees to replace them. Simultaneously,
people
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 who
move
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 to the rural
areas
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 will struggle to get access to the internet, healthcare services
as well
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as
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and
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 education systems because the government pay less attention to developing the public facilities in these
areas
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.
Consequently
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, I do believe that redistributing the professionals in metropolis and remote
areas
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,
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apply
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 cannot be perceived as the most effective
solution
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. In conclusion,
although
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 it is predominantly believed that transforming individuals from capital to live in suburbs or countrysides is the most effective measure to tackle the issues of congestion and transportation, I completely disagree because
this
Linking Words
solution
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 only improve the situation for a short period and it can results in higher rates of
pollution
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 in countrysides
as well as
Linking Words
 reducing city labour force.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and add more details to support your points.
task achievement
Clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
task achievement
Use more clear examples to strengthen your arguments and make them easier to understand.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion and supported it with reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively framed your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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