The government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sports and arts for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people believe that the
government
should focus its resources on encouraging the development of sports
and art
for school students
, rather than supporting professional sports
and art
events
. In my opinion, while
both areas are important, I agree that the government
should prioritize investing in sports
and arts
in schools.
On the one hand, it is important for the government
to support professional sports
and art
events
, as these can have a significant economic impact. Professional sports
and art
events
can generate tourism, create jobs, and stimulate local economies, which can ultimately benefit everyone. Moreover
, supporting professional sports
and art
events
can help to showcase a country's culture and talents to the world, which can enhance its global reputation. For instance
, some of the most popular festivals in the world attract hundreds of thousands of visitors to the locations each year, generating millions of pounds for the local economy.
On the other hand
, it’s understandable why there are supporters of the idea that the government
should focus on encouraging the development of sports
and arts
for school students
. Firstly
, it can help to promote a healthy lifestyle among young people by encouraging them to engage in physical activity and creative pursuits. Secondly
, it can foster teamwork, creativity, and confidence, all of which are important skills for future success. For example
, the government
can organize sports
and art
competitions and events
that allow students
to showcase their talents and compete with their peers. This
can provide a sense of accomplishment and motivation for students
, as well as
opportunities to build social connections.
In conclusion, the role of the government
in supporting sports
and arts
is a complex issue, and there are valid arguments on both sides. While
supporting professional sports
and art
events
can have significant economic and cultural benefits, I believe that investing in sports
and arts
in schools should be a priority for the government
.Submitted by lel819094 on
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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in the task achievement criterion, consider elaborating more on the benefits of government investment in school sports and arts with specific examples or evidence from studies. Provide more detailed analysis and a balanced examination of potential drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while the essay is well-organized and logical, adding more linking phrases and transitional words can further enhance the flow between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported, providing a balanced argument and covering both side perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with each paragraph building on the previous one and linking back to the main argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.