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Band 7.5

“Prevention is better than cure”. Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures.To what extent do you agree.

#“prevention #cure” #diseases #measures
These days, many people choose different ways how to monitor their
health
. But what is the most effective method of dealing with
diseases
? Some people believe that the reason for having an appointment with the doctor is when something is bothering you. I completely agree with the statement that it is better to invest in preventative measures and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, researching and treating
diseases
 is too costly.
Furthermore
, you will spend not only money but
also
 your time, so it would be better to check your
health
 1 time per year to know that you don’t have any issues with it.
For example
, you take tests every year and suddenly you’ve got bad results but nothing is bothering you, so you are already in
this
 step when you can treat
this
 disease. Another reason why I agree with the statement is that it is better to prevent issues with
health
. When you take vitamins every day, do sport or other activities to prevent problems of
health
 than just researching and treating
diseases
 when they are in their most dangerous form. From my point of view, we
also
 have
diseases
 like cancer and these issues can be detected only by taking tests.
Moreover
, if you have any symptoms of it you are already in danger, so it needs to be detected much earlier than you have the first signs of cancer. In summary, we discussed at least the 3 reasons why you should take care of your
health
 not only when you are sick already but
also
 for your entire life. Personally, I believe that
this
 is the best way how you can be more salubrious.
Submitted by vladkruglovfencer on

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task achievement
Expand on your main points with more specific examples. Instead of just mentioning the cost of treating diseases, provide specific numbers or comparisons to highlight its significance.
task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Your second and third body paragraphs have a good base but could be expanded to include more detail and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Improve your transitions between paragraphs to enhance the essay's flow. Connecting sentences can help maintain a logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the argument and align well with the topic.
task achievement
You've made commendable efforts to support your viewpoints with examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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