Nowadays, there are more celebrities who are famous for glamor and wealth rather than their achievements. This is a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that most young

people

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can be influenced by

celebrities

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While

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it is a commonly held belief that famous

people

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could negatively affect the personalities of many individuals, there is

also

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an argument that opposes

this

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view. In my opinion, I believe that children and teenagers should be influenced by solid achievements rather than glamour and wealth.

To begin

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with, many

celebrities

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choose their content based on what

people

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like.

In other words

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, many

celebrities

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become famous by capturing their daily routines, and

people

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enjoy watching

that

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them

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. Social media plays a key role in highlighting their lives.

For instance

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, when teenagers see on several applications like Snapchat and Instagram how

celebrities

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live in big and comfortable houses, travel on luxurious planes, and dine at special restaurants, it can strongly influence them and create a misleading picture of success. Another point to consider is that parents and teachers have a significant responsibility to be good role models. When students see how their teachers work hard and have big goals to serve the community, they are likely to be inspired to do the same.

Moreover

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, young

people

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must understand that success does not come easily.

For example

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, if they spend their leisure time on useful activities like sports and participate in competitions, they will realize that hard work leads to achievements. In conclusion, despite

people

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having different views, I believe that time is crucial, and we must use it wisely. Children and teenagers should be encouraged to admire achievements based on hard work rather than superficial glamour and wealth.

n.a.s.2Fri Jun 14 2024

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General

To enhance your essay further, try to integrate more varied sentence structures and ensure that all your points are fully explained and supported with more specific examples or studies.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that directly links back to your thesis statement. This will help in reinforcing your argument.

Task Achievement

Expand on the argument regarding the positive influences and achievements of individuals other than celebrities. This balance will help solidify your stance.

Introduction

You have a clear and concise introduction that sets the stage well for your argument.

Conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly.

Logical Structure

The body paragraphs are logically structured and each contains a central idea that supports your thesis.

8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Nowadays, there are more celebrities who are famous for glamor and wealth rather than their achievements. This is a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation?

G. In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth over all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

In many countries government spend a lot of money on arts. However, some think government should spend more on health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries there has been an increase in social problems involving teenagers in recent years. Many people believe that this is due to modern lifestyles because parents spend more and more time at work and have less time to supervise their children. To what extent do you believe this is true?