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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas #policy
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The planners inclined to separate shops, schools, offices and homes in certain locations in many urban areas. The main benefits of
this
 could be security and reduction of noise, whilst it might cause issues during the journey. I believe segregation might influence more positively rather than negatively on people.
To begin
 with, one of the primary advantages of disengagement, it could enhance freedom by minimizing the risk of accidents. Since these major centres are located in different parts of the city, there would be fewer crimes, providing more uncomplicated to preserve security for representatives of
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
. It is easy to understand that it might influence on crime rate, allowing individuals to not worry about it. To illustrate, Columbia, the new city of the USA, in which schools and accommodation areas are constructed separately in order to improve the quality of people’s lives. departure could influence not only in freedom rate but
also
 on reduction of noise.
This
 is because entertaining objects like malls cannot disturb people’s routines, especially at sleeping time.
For example
, planners started to construct correctly
such
 specific centres far from residential areas in Oskemen. Turning to certain drawbacks, differentiated locations might cause issues related to roads, namely traffic congestion.
That is
 to say, individuals might start leaving houses at a specific time to get to their workplaces.
As a result
, there could be an excessive number of cars on one road.
For instance
, it is a common issue in Los Angeles, caused frequently
due to
 similar locations of workplaces.
That is
 why planners should take
this
 problem into consideration
while
 planning dissolution. In conclusion, despite congestion, from my perspective, it might provide many positive effects on people’s lives, providing security and less noise.
Submitted by mako_09.01 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your explanations and arguments to fully develop your ideas. Avoid abrupt endings to paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly connected and transitions smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure that your examples are directly linked to the points you are making. Sometimes, they can feel slightly tangential.
grammatical accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical structures and verb tenses to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
You clearly present both the advantages and disadvantages of the policy, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Segregation
  • Urban areas
  • Residential
  • Commercial
  • Industrial
  • Systematic development
  • Amenity provision
  • Urban management
  • Pollution
  • Quality of life
  • Transportation costs
  • Environmental impact
  • Social segregation
  • Amenities
  • Services
  • Income neighborhoods
  • Vibrant
  • Accessible
  • Travel times
  • Social interaction
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Walking
  • Cycling
  • Public transport
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Agricultural land
  • Biodiversity
  • Business hubs
  • Investments
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic growth
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