IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You have recently moved to a new city. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter Explain why you moved Describe your new city Tell him/her other news Began your letter as: Dear…

#city #friend #news #dear…
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Dear, my best friend, Hi Lea! I hope you are doing well and always healthy. I am writing
this
 letter to you and I want to tell you about why I moved from that
city
 because my parent moved their workplace to Bandung and now, I am staying here. My new
city
 is a very beautiful
place
 and a lot of marts here.
As a result
, the streets always traffic jump but I really like
this
place
,
due to
 the neighbourhood being very friendly and some other sociable people. Later, you can come with other friends.
This
place
 the famous as a good and very clean
city
, because the environment in every day is always cleaned up together and we cannot through rubbish anywhere. I am really comfortable living here,
thus
 I must always keep my health because the season here is very bad right now. In my new
place
, the name is Health
City
. Products here are very cheap and when you buy something, you always get one free item,
therefore
 I really like living here. Thank you for your nice attention, I hope you can visit my new
city
. I am looking forward to you soon. Sincerely, Desi
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a single idea to enhance clarity. Group related thoughts together to improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to explain more about specific features of the new city and compare them to the old city for a clearer picture.
task achievement
Work on refining sentence structure and grammar for more polished writing. For instance, correct phrases like 'always traffic jump' to 'always has traffic' and 'cleaned up together and we cannot through rubbish' to 'cleaned up together, and we cannot throw rubbish'.
task achievement
The letter maintains a friendly and suitable tone throughout, which is appropriate for this task.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are well-executed, providing a clear start and finish to the letter.
task achievement
The response to the task is largely complete, addressing all key points: reason for moving, description of the new city, and other news.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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