Students nowadays can get large quantities of information from mobile phones. Despite this, many people think that they should not be allowed to use them in the classroom. To what extent do you agree ar disagree?

These days, many pupils have access to a large amount of data
due to
recent technological advances.
Although
some people think it is useful, it can reduce their quality of education and their respect for teachers. In my perspective,
students
should be banned from using
phones
in the classroom. One of the major reasons that
students
should not have access to smartphones is that they can have negative effects on their education. A good example of
this
is playing games during
classes
, which is said to be the major cause of their failures in exams.
Additionally
,
such
games as Mario and Clash are addictive and make them fall behind their courses because they are much more enjoyable than listening to the instructor. Another reason is that
phones
are distracting not only for
students
but
also
for teachers.
This
can be shown by phone ringing during the
classes
.
Moreover
, distracting someone who is focused on something takes the person at least 30 minutes to give himself focus back.
This
can sometimes happen in the middle of exams, which can lead to an increase the stress among other pupils.
On the other hand
, some people claim that
phones
are useful devices and
students
should be allowed to have them in the classroom in case of emergencies, like illnesses. Despite the fact that they are very essential in our lives,
this
argument could not be rational because evidence shows most children who have
phones
in their
classes
do badly in their exams. In conclusion, despite the fact that
phones
are very practical for children and give them access to lots of data, schools should not let them have their
phones
during the
classes
, because they could harm their education quality. I believe they should not have their
phones
in the classrooms because they lose their attention.
Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but you should enhance the logical connection between your ideas. Try using more linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you've presented a number of relevant examples, make sure they are always fully explained and clearly linked to your main points. This will help improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a solid structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which makes your arguments more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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