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Band 7.5

Students nowadays can get large quantities of information from mobile phones. Despite this, many people think that they should not be allowed to use them in the classroom. To what extent do you agree ar disagree?

#students #quantities #information #phones #people #classroom #ar
These days, many pupils have access to a large amount of data
due to
 recent technological advances.
Although
 some people think it is useful, it can reduce their quality of education and their respect for teachers. In my perspective,
students
 should be banned from using
phones
 in the classroom. One of the major reasons that
students
 should not have access to smartphones is that they can have negative effects on their education. A good example of
this
 is playing games during
classes
, which is said to be the major cause of their failures in exams.
Additionally
,
such
 games as Mario and Clash are addictive and make them fall behind their courses because they are much more enjoyable than listening to the instructor. Another reason is that
phones
 are distracting not only for
students
 but
also
 for teachers.
This
 can be shown by phone ringing during the
classes
.
Moreover
, distracting someone who is focused on something takes the person at least 30 minutes to give himself focus back.
This
 can sometimes happen in the middle of exams, which can lead to an increase the stress among other pupils.
On the other hand
, some people claim that
phones
 are useful devices and
students
 should be allowed to have them in the classroom in case of emergencies, like illnesses. Despite the fact that they are very essential in our lives,
this
 argument could not be rational because evidence shows most children who have
phones
 in their
classes
 do badly in their exams. In conclusion, despite the fact that
phones
 are very practical for children and give them access to lots of data, schools should not let them have their
phones
 during the
classes
, because they could harm their education quality. I believe they should not have their
phones
 in the classrooms because they lose their attention.
Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, but you should enhance the logical connection between your ideas. Try using more linking words and phrases to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While you've presented a number of relevant examples, make sure they are always fully explained and clearly linked to your main points. This will help improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a solid structure to your essay.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which makes your arguments more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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