Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Traditional drugs and Chinese aqua puncture are the two main alternatives to the accepted and prevalent forms of healing in the twenty-first century. Globally we are witnessing an upward trajectory regarding the proportion of citizens seeking substitutes to the conventional curing methods. I wholeheartedly advocate that
this
constitute
Correct subject-verb agreement
constitutes
show examples
a drawback as it not only can fail to cure but
also
can cause harm. On the one hand, patients may be disappointed to figure out that the promised substitutional drugs are not that auspicious after all.
For example
, many of my classmates contemplated
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
they
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
aqua puncture in China it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
definitely treat their
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
it turned out not only to have absolutely no effect but
also
proved to be a waste of pecuniary resources.
Furthermore
, after
being failed
Wrong verb form
failing
show examples
to address their illness they visited their physician who found out the root cause is migraine which needs immediate attention. All in all, the experience of these unvalidated methods can result in a waste of precious time, valuable energy and treasured finances.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative practices considering treatment of more serious diseases can turn out to be fatal.
Moreover
, It is well-known that cardiovascular and respiratory diseases have to be monitored by a professional physician constantly and if a patient fails to address them appropriately by visiting
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
expert it can cause irreversible
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
or even death. I can clearly remember that many of those who
refuted
Correct your spelling
refused
show examples
to consume their prescription drugs during
pandemic
Add an article
a pandemic
the pandemic
show examples
and
instead
prioritised herbal treatments ended up losing their lives.
Hence
, not only trying unsubstantiated medication is not entertaining at all but
also
it can prove to be mortal. In conclusion, the enthusiasm to neglect modern prescriptions and cures to experience alternative medications can produce tremendous downsides. Meanwhile, in some cases the substitute method can have absolutely no effect and be a wasteful practice,
however
, in major health
problems
Add a comma
problems,
show examples
the precarious journey can bring about long-lasting and devastating maims or even can cost patients'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve the task response, ensure that each supporting point is deeply elaborated, offering more examples or explanations where necessary.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are as smooth as possible.
general
Pay attention to grammatical details and correct minor errors to elevate language precision and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing a strong framework.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with examples, demonstrating a good level of detail and thought.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt effectively, offering a balanced and thorough response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: