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Band 7.5

Many retired people today are choosing to live in other countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #countries
Increasingly, retirees from various countries around the world are choosing to settle abroad rather than remain in their home countries.
While
this
 decision can offer numerous advantages,
such
 as a better quality of life and new experiences, it
also
 presents several challenges that need careful consideration. First of all, retired individuals will have opportunities to experience cultures of other nationalities, which can broaden their worldview.
Furthermore
, if they are interested in improving their skills in a local language, they are likely to achieve it.
For example
, if the person is really passionate about learning Hungarian, moving to Hungary can be the most effective way to succeed .
On the other hand
, there are negative aspects to consider.
Firstly
, adapting to a new life in an unfamiliar environment can present significant challenges for someone who has spent many years living in a different place.
For example
, understanding the rules of the country, and learning how to communicate, behave, and engage in discussions with others can lead to feelings of isolation or even depression.
Moreover
, considering discrimination towards foreigners has been rising in the
last
 few years, facing racism approaches is a big probability for non-locals.
For example
, it could make getting a job harder sharply and create unfair salaries
in contrast
 to the local community, which is completely distressing. In conclusion,
while
 preferring to relocate to other states after retirement undeniably offers a plethora of benefits, including changing a person’s mind well, it
also
 presents a great number of challenges that must be carefully managed.
Submitted by abdulkarimjasmine on

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task achievement
Try to balance the discussion by giving equal weight to both advantages and disadvantages. This ensures a more thorough exploration of the topic and strengthens your argument overall.
coherence cohesion
Expand the introduction to provide a clearer overview of both sides of the argument. This sets a balanced tone for the essay and prepares the reader for the discussion ahead.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas within a paragraph. For example, the idea of cultural experience and language improvement could be more distinct and separated into different points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic well and provides a clear overview of the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow along.
relevant specific examples
Good use of specific examples helps to illustrate points and supports the arguments made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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