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Band 7.5

Nuclear technology not only offers a lot of advantages but also threatens the world with its danger. The use of this technology should be discouraged. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #world #danger
It is argued that nuclear
technology
 is a double-edged sword, which has various advantages and, at the same time, poses a danger to the world we live in. I completely agree that the use of
this
technology
 should be stopped because it requires a large amount of money and can be misused, which is dangerous for our planet. The first reason is that developing nuclear
technology
 involves very high upfront costs.
This
 means that a country wanting to develop nuclear capabilities must allocate a special budget for
this
 project.
This
 is the reason why the majority of countries across the globe, particularly developing countries, do not have the ability to build nuclear
technology
 like their counterparts in advanced countries
such
 as the USA, France, and Israel.
Instead
 of investing their money to fund its development, it would be better to spend
this
 budget on other basic needs
such
 as education and health facilities. In doing so, discouraging nuclear
technology
 production would provide more benefits to people.
In addition
 , there is the potential misuse of nuclear. Even though nuclear
technology
 has various merits, recent history has shown that it can be used inappropriately in war. The consequences are catastrophic, as seen in Gaza, where the Israeli army used destructive technologies.
This
 is because uranium, the main component of nuclear weapons, has dangerous and hazardous effects when it explodes.
Consequently
, it took more than 20 years to rebuild the city of Gaza to a livable state, similar to the reconstruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the nuclear bombings in World War II in 1945.
Therefore
, it is crucial to stop producing nuclear to avoid harmful consequences. In conclusion,
although
 nuclear
technology
 has advantages, I completely agree that its production should be stopped
due to
 the high costs and harmful effects on our planet.
Hence
, discouraging nuclear production would lead to a better future for our earth.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on your points to provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas. For instance, include additional examples or data to support your arguments where relevant.
coherence cohesion
Adding some transitional phrases and linking words can improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both advantages and the need to discontinue nuclear technology.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the cases of Gaza, Hiroshima, and Nagasaki, supports your argument well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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