Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympics or the World Cup, while others feel that this is a waste of tax-payer money. Discuss both sides and state your opinion
In recent years, there has been a profound increase in the number of individuals questioning the amount of money spent on preparing
athletes
for international competitions. On the one hand, many people
believe that this
approach is a poor use of valuable tax-payer money and these funds could be diverted to combating poverty
instead
. However
, critics, myself included, are of the strong belief that investing vast sums for athletes
to compete at top-level international competitions is justified, due to
the psychological effect that winning such
honours brings to the nation
.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that the exorbitant amounts of money would be better spent on bringing people
out of poverty
. To illustrate this
point, when India withdrew from the World Cup in 2006, the government was able to relocate 20,000 people
living in the slums into council housing, therefore
drastically improving the lives of those people
as a
result
. For
this
reason, it is clearly evident that when funds are used in ways to benefit less fortunate people
, much more good can be done to not only the people
it directly affects, but also
to improve the general standard of living of all people
living in the area. What is more, it is undeniable that as a
result
of lifting people
out of poverty
, those citizens can now live happier lives, those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
which
have the opportunity Correct word choice
and
now
to get an education or contribute to the economy through employment. Rephrase
apply
This
being the case, it is not unreasonable to assume that if countries
decreased or eliminated troves of spending to develop athletes
for international tournaments, problems such
as poverty
could be solved, leading to much happier citizens and improvements to the economy.
Nonetheless
, despite the minor drawbacks, it must be stated that by heavily investing in developing athletes
, the greater chances of success
at an international level can bring fortunes to a country and improve the psychological well-being of its people
. For instance
, when New Zealand won the America's Cup in 1998, there were not only larger sponsorship deals signed for further
competitions, but nation-wide
partying and positivity spread throughout the country. Correct your spelling
nationwide
Furthermore
, the general consensus among numerous psychologists is that the psychological effects of one's nation
winning a major international competition has
the added bonus of instilling belief in achieving the impossible, the effects of which can be translated to better work performances. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
Moreover
, success
over other competing countries
also
imparts patriotism and love for one's own country, elements which are fundamental to a nation
's economic success
. With this
in mind, it is without a doubt that if countries
were to continue preparing athletes
for success
on the international stage, the benefits upon
a victorious Change preposition
of
result
are
impeccably important for the livelihood of the Wrong verb form
would be
people
, and the economic prosperity of the nation
.
To conclude
the aforementioned discussion, while
some are under the impression that decreasing spending for training athletes
can improve poverty
, others, including myself
, would strongly argue that the joys of Change the pronoun
me
success
at an international level would have a positive effect on people
's well-being, as well as
improving the economy. From my perspective, the added benefits of beating rival countries
at
Change preposition
in
sport
can have an overwhelmingly positive effect, and the Fix the agreement mistake
sports
nation
would be happier as a
result
.Submitted by Writing8
on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and addresses both sides of the argument effectively. However, try to maintain more consistent support for your main points throughout your paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'troves of spending'). They do not significantly affect comprehension but refining these could make your essay even better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively communicate your main idea.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples that support your arguments well.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your logical structure is strong and easy to follow. Each paragraph clearly contributes to the development of your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?