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Band 5

Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have fewer children, or none at all. Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #world #children #none #trend
A lot of the public these days, in educated countries to be more accurate, prefer to limit the number of children, I think
this
 has two sides I can't say totally agree or disagree because it includes both negative and positive.
Firstly
, the cause of
this
 trend is life become faster than before, most people now have something
named
Verb problem
called
show examples
 "rom" which it's means fear of missing they want to try everything and travel
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world and move from one relationship to another and they have hardness in find the perfect couple,
therefore
 having too many babes it is not the best idea for there lifestyle,
for example
, if some parents decide to have a child and after on year they divorce that child will face a bad era.
Secondly
, the positive side of bringing fewer children is the parents will give them more attention, most childhood trauma is caused by emotional neglect from the first source of love the father and the mother,
thus
as well as
 the number of children increases the chance of
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 the emotional neglect will increase too, so some family have one or two boys or girl and give them all what they need is better of have many of them.
Thirdly
, the negative side is the number of public in countries will decrease and that will affect
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the government budget, the cities need the crowd to work and improve the city economy
furthermore
 need them to save their people from potential war and build a strong army. In conclusion,
this
 trend has both negative and positive views depending on different circumstances, I believe there is always a suitable solution
such
 as providing support from the government to the families
Submitted by thisana1 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in analyzing why people are choosing to have fewer children. Include more reasons, such as economic factors or personal career aspirations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, but they could be more clearly defined. Ensure your introduction sets the stage for what will be discussed, and your conclusion summarizes the key points effectively.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific studies or surveys that show the declining birthrate in developed countries and link this to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. Organize your points into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea. Currently, points are jumbled together, making it hard to follow the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Enhance the essay's clarity by refining your language and vocabulary. For instance, explain what 'rom' means more clearly, and ensure all sentences are grammatically correct. This will make your ideas easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The writer acknowledges both the positive and negative aspects of the main topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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