Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is clear that
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technology
Use synonyms
has been improved.
As a consequence
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, it has a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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influence on our environment and ecosystem.
Although
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some people believe that a simple life can solve
this
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issue, the majority of people claim that
technology
Use synonyms
should
make
Verb problem
find
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a way to solve
this
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problem. I will discuss both ideas and give my own opinion in
further
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paragraphs.
To begin
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with,
technology
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has improved in recent decades and some groups of people think they should adopt
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with
Change preposition
apply
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a simple lifestyle to solve
this
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problem.
For instance
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, using more
from
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apply
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public transportation
instead
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of private cars.
Although
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private vehicles are very
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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, we should not use
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due
Correct pronoun usage
them due
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to pollution. since pollution leads to
healthy
Replace the word
health
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problems
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,
such
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as breathing issues
as well as
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heart
problems
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.
Hence
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, if we
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
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ourselves
with
Change preposition
to
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technology
Use synonyms
and change our lifestyles, it will be beneficial for
out
Correct your spelling
our
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health.
On the other hand
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, others claim that
technology
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should solve
this
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issue itself
due to
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development of that.
However
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, if
technology
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improve
Change the verb form
improves
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in different fields, it can find a suitable solution for
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
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of
problems
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For example
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, it can solve the pollution
problems
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with an advanced airbag. In my opinion,
technology
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can not solve all
problems
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.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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wifi has a positive effect on our lives. But all of us know that it has some negative points and harmful effects
also
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. So, we should use that a little because of our health.
To sum up
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, everything has some advantages and some disadvantages in our
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
Thus
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, we should use
Correct pronoun usage
it according
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according
Add the preposition
according to
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our
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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as well as
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possible. Sometimes we can find a solution for
this
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problem, sometimes it
solved
Wrong verb form
solves
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itself by improvement.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a general response to the task, but it needs more specific details and examples to fully develop your arguments. Try to include more real-life examples or statistical data to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your main points are supported with detailed evidence or explanations. This will help make your essay more persuasive and improve the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your argumentation and ideas are generally clear, but the flow of ideas can be improved. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines both views and states your opinion clearly. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion with some emphasis.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument. This is a good starting point for developing a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
You managed to include an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, which provides a basic structure for your essay.
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