Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is clear that
technology
has been improved.
As a consequence
, it has a
numerous
Correct word choice
large
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influence on our environment and ecosystem.
Although
some people believe that a simple life can solve
this
issue, the majority of people claim that
technology
should
make
Verb problem
find
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a way to solve
this
problem. I will discuss both ideas and give my own opinion in
further
paragraphs.
To begin
with,
technology
has improved in recent decades and some groups of people think they should adopt
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with
Change preposition
apply
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a simple lifestyle to solve
this
problem.
For instance
, using more
from
Change preposition
apply
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public transportation
instead
of private cars.
Although
private vehicles are very
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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, we should not use
due
Correct pronoun usage
them due
show examples
to pollution. since pollution leads to
healthy
Replace the word
health
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problems
,
such
as breathing issues
as well as
heart
problems
.
Hence
, if we
adopt
Correct your spelling
adapt
show examples
ourselves
with
Change preposition
to
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technology
and change our lifestyles, it will be beneficial for
out
Correct your spelling
our
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health.
On the other hand
, others claim that
technology
should solve
this
issue itself
due to
development of that.
However
, if
technology
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
in different fields, it can find a suitable solution for
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
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of
problems
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For example
, it can solve the pollution
problems
with an advanced airbag. In my opinion,
technology
can not solve all
problems
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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wifi has a positive effect on our lives. But all of us know that it has some negative points and harmful effects
also
. So, we should use that a little because of our health.
To sum up
, everything has some advantages and some disadvantages in our
live
Replace the word
lives
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.
Thus
, we should use
Correct pronoun usage
it according
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according
Add the preposition
according to
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our
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
as well as
possible. Sometimes we can find a solution for
this
problem, sometimes it
solved
Wrong verb form
solves
show examples
itself by improvement.
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a general response to the task, but it needs more specific details and examples to fully develop your arguments. Try to include more real-life examples or statistical data to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your main points are supported with detailed evidence or explanations. This will help make your essay more persuasive and improve the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your argumentation and ideas are generally clear, but the flow of ideas can be improved. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines both views and states your opinion clearly. Your conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion with some emphasis.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument. This is a good starting point for developing a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
You managed to include an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, which provides a basic structure for your essay.
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