It’s generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance, music and sport and others are not. However, it’s sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sportsperson or musician. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

It is argued that some offspring have natural talents,
while
others suppose that teaching can make kids become masters in sports or singing.I firmly believe that having an outstanding genius has more benefits than having a
gift
for music and athletics. On the one hand,there are some advantages and disadvantages when offspring have natural talent in sport and music.The offspring can develop their capability as musicians or sportsmen
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
hard work and investment from family and society that can help them broaden their career opportunities in the future.
In contrast
,those children are likely to be arrogant leading to a lack of determination to improve their abilities,ultimately their
gift
will disappear.
On the other hand
,there are
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain issues regarding the kids who are educated to be talented sportsmen or musicians.In the journey of becoming a talent,they may accumulate many
skills
which can be useful when they learn something new in the future.
Otherwise
,when they start the work,
although
initially
Add a comma
initially,
show examples
their career may not be as successful as other
people
,they can climb the ladder of success
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
those
skills
learned in the past.
For example
,whether children improve their flair for piano by playing it and finding their mistakes every day can provide them with creative
skills
and risk-taking
skills
.
On the contrary
,there are some cases in which normal
people
can not win the
people
who are born with talent
such
as the pre-eminence in physical health.Particularly,they may concentrate too much on how to defeat those
people
and use negative ways
instead
of finding a happier path for them In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
reaffirm my conviction that having an outstanding
gift
has more benefits than having a
gift
for melody and athletics.
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coherence cohesion
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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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