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Band 7.5

Experts say if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise every day, they will be healthier and happier. However, many elderly are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the causes and solutions?

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Most professionals claim that living in harmony with others and having daily exercises will help the old population be healthier and happier,
while
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 there are still many elderly experiencing loneliness and insufficient physical fitness. There are a number of reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted to solve the problem. There are two primary causes why the elderly are still alone and lack of physical exercise. One reason is that the generation gap makes the misunderstanding between the young and the old clearer in their views and lifestyles.
This
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 is because they may not nearly catch up with modern social trends with their children and teenagers.
For instance
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, most elders do not know how to use smartphones or some high-tech devices, meanwhile, young
people
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 use these devices skillfully. In the advanced technical era,
Furthermore
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, more and more elderly have a tendency to have a sedentary lifestyle because of the convenience of technology that brings into their living environment. So, they may mostly feel very exhausted and unhealthy.
Consequently
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, not only their health but
also
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 their mood is slowly decreasing day by day. For these reasons, some measures should be taken to mitigate the problem of suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness in the old generation. One step is that the younger generation should be educated to understand, share and sympathize with the older one to have a strong connection with
people
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 who have experienced various objects in life.
Moreover
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, members of families can
also
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 organize a family gathering so that all of them have more opportunities to spend time with others, especially aged
people
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 in order to let them know that they are not lonely. Another essential measure is to encourage the old to do more physical exercises every day by doing it with them since exercising together is capable of helping them be happier in some ways.
As a result
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, the physical and mental health of older
people
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 have improved noticeably. In conclusion, a variety of causes of solitary existence and insufficient physical fitness should be applied to more effective solutions to bring happiness and health to aged
people
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.

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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses the task, try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, citing studies or real-life examples can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Consider refining the clarity of some of your ideas. At times, your arguments could be more detailed to enhance understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. However, ensure that each paragraph has a single central idea and avoid mixing multiple concepts in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your transitions between ideas are smooth. Use linking words and phrases to maintain the flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the issue and your conclusion effectively summarizes your points. This provides a well-rounded and complete response to the essay task.
task achievement
You have identified and discussed multiple causes and solutions to the problem, showing a thorough understanding of the topic.
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