Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #art #paintings #music #waste #money #government #pubic #service

Some people think that

arts

like paintings and music are a waste of money for the

government

and the

government

should spend

this

money on public services . I disagree with

this

opinion and I'm going to provide my idea with examples in the next paragraph . I think that

arts

can add to the

government

Change noun form

government's

show examples

salary by putting

that

Change the determiner

that art

those arts

show examples

arts

like paintings in the museum and

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

intrence

Correct your spelling

entrance

inference

fee for the museum

also

that paintings in the future

Change the verb form

are

show examples

going to be from the

government

heritage and it's going to add a lot to the country

Add the comma(s)

, for example,

show examples

for example

the Mona Lisa everybody

travel

Change the verb form

travels

show examples

only to see the Mona Lisa and take pictures with it .

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

I think that some people love

arts

so by not allowing them to see

that

Change the determiner

that art

those arts

show examples

arts

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

I think that

arts

can add a lot

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

government

and the community

Submitted by khalidashgar23 on Sat Jun 15 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your introduction is brief and lacks detail. It would be beneficial to provide more context about why some people think art is a waste of money before stating your disagreement.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve logical structure. For example, you can separate financial benefits and cultural significance into distinct paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Your argument about the financial benefits of art needs more specific examples and data to be more convincing. Try to provide statistics or case studies.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your conclusion is too brief. Summarize the main points from the body paragraphs and restate your opinion more comprehensively.

Task Achievement

Expand on your second point about people who love art. Explain the emotional and social benefits in greater detail.

Task Achievement

You have a clear position and have attempted to support it with examples. This is good practice.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has an introduction and conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

150 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preservation
vital
essential components
fostering
continuity
economic benefits
job creation
psychological benefits
stress reduction
promote creativity
enhancement
balanced approach
complements
innovation
crucial skills
government investment
societal role
tourists
local spending
public services

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Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Education is important for young people in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for an adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that spending large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities is a waste of money. They think that this money should be used to improve existing public transport. To what extent do you agree / disagree ?

Some people think university students should only focus on one particular study area. Others. However, others believe they should be encouraged to study a wide variety of subjects. Discuss both views and mention your own opinion.