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Band 5

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on family life and society?

#people #children #life #effects #society
In modern life, many
people
 make are decision to have
baby
Add an article
a baby
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 later in their lives.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on the driving factors behind
this
 tendency before clarifying its detrimental impacts on
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 and
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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. There are two primary reasons that young
people
 do not want to give
birth
 early. The first reason is that they want to have great financial status before getting pregnant.
Therefore
, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford all expenses for their children ,
such
 as food, healthcare services, vaccines and education, which helps their children have a great living standard. The second reason is that bearing kids later in life allows young
people
 to enjoy their lives.
This
 is because, they could have more time to do their favourite activities,
such
 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 or pursuing their dream which assists them to feel comfortable and enrich their practical experiences before becoming parenthood.
However
, there are some consequences stemming from delaying childbirth of
people
 nowadays.
Firstly
,
this
 phenomenon is to blame for negative impacts on mother's heath.
For example
,
women
Rephrase
when women
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 with age over 35 give
birth
, they
would
Verb problem
apply
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suffer some serious diseases,
such
 as miscarriage & premature
birth
 , even causing Down syndrome
for
Change preposition
in
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 babies.
Secondly
, becoming parenthood so late leads to
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
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 economy of the country. To be more specific, the number of elderly will be increasing every year
whereas
 the number of
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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 who are enough age to work is slowing down, which will lead to reducing human force in the future. In conclusion, there are some underlying motives behind
this
 undesirable tendency, and it
also
 results in some bad consequences for
people
 if they give
birth
 late.
Submitted by lethiphuonguyen0098 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the consequences of delayed childbirth on family life in addition to societal impacts. This would ensure a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. For example, 'make are decision' should be 'make the decision.' Proofreading for these errors can improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure flows logically, but transitions between points can be smoother. Linking sentences or phrases can help make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with specific examples or data. This would add depth to the arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well, providing clear reasons and effects of delayed childbirth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion nicely summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically presented and easy to follow.
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